I read this book, about baseball or bread or something. I can never remember that sort of thing, if you want to know the truth.

If you really want to hear about it, I guess I'll just tell you. I'm not just gonna shoot the bull here, for chrissakes. It's kind of a crumby story, I think. She was kind of a funny old girl. I wouldn't exactly describe her as strictly beautiful. She knocked me out though. I just liked the way she looked, that's all. She had this thing, she'd look at you and smile. It was almost corny. But not quite too corny. It really killed me. It was like I was sure I'd go around with her. You'd like her, you really would.

That's the thing about girls, sometimes they're just so phony. Real queens, you know. Almost makes you feel sorry.

That's another thing about girls, you know. Sometimes they make you feel real sexy. But then it's so phony, you can't stand it.

Then some mac will come along and just get her for chrissakes. A real prince. Helluva thing to do, really. Kind of makes you sore.

You see these guys and their girls and they're just a bunch of phonies. You know, they're good guys, but you give them a girl and it's all about trying to give them the time. Really. It kills me.

You probably thought I think it's a big deal. Of course. It drives me crazy, though.

I'd like to do something about it, but I'm just a yellow guy. I try not to let people know, but you know what I'd do? I'd probably go up to the guy and say "what do you think you're doing?" He'd probably say, calmly "Nothing wrong." And then I'd just stand there for about 100 hours until I just left. That's how it'd go, it really would. It's kinda weird.

I'd tend to think of these things I'd do if I had a girl. It'd never work out in real life, really wouldn't. It'd be stuff like in the movies. Stupid stuff, the movies. I really can't stand 'em. If there's one thing I hate, it's the movies. Don't even mention them to me. They're too phony. Really are.

It's a racket, this life stuff. Really. Sometimes I wanna just jump out the window too. I really would if there was someone there to cover me up. I wouldn't want a bunch of stupid rubbernecks to look at me while I was all gory. Of course I really wouldn't do that, I'm too much of a yellow guy.

Well I'd love to say good-by to you, I really would. But I hate good-bys. They're just so phony.

(Disclaimer: If you've never read anything by J.D. Salinger, kindly disregard the content of this post.)