Showing posts with label Rays Hat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rays Hat. Show all posts

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Iron Ned: A Running Commentary

Recently, I helped engineer plans for a pasta-cooking competition between some friends. For some reason, we all thought it would be fun to bring home-made pasta dishes to a party at my friend's house, to be judged by his foodie father, whose name is Ned. Ned will name one dish the winner, and its chef will earn the vaunted "Golden Spatula" trophy, which I'm sure will be an old spatula spray-painted gold. We decided to call it "Iron Ned" (get it???) and, unlike most ideas concocted at 2 AM, we're actually going through with it.

Well, Iron Ned is tomorrow, so it's clearly time to prepare for it.

Aaaaaaand, I have basically no idea how to cook anything.

But I'm committed to doing this on my own. I am home alone, armed with nothing more than the internet, some cookbooks, and the means to go to Sentry and purchase ingredients. A year and a half ago, I made a New Year's resolution to learn how to cook passably. I obviously didn't accomplish that one, but tonight is a start. The Golden Spatula shall be mine.

Let's start this trainwreck.

--All right, time to look for recipes. I have the internet at my disposal, but I think I'll try the old-fashioned art of the cookbook to begin with. We've got a bunch in the kitchen, so let's give it a shot, huh!

--If you're in the market for a cookbook, don't purchase "Cooking for the Heart"

--This old Lakeside band cookbook has to have some gems, eh?

--Hmm, couldn't find a winner. You'll never fool me with your "moist bread stuffing," Dr. Gulczynski. Never.

--The internet offers slightly better results. Giada de Laurentiis is so flippin' cute. The fact that she is so cute makes her recipes slightly suspect, though. I mean you KNOW Paula Deen didn't get on TV for her high-school-crush good looks.

--The first Google auto-complete when you type in "Giada de Laurentiis" is "Giada de Laurentiis breast size." I hate the internet SO MUCH. A buncha creeps out there.

--All right, I've settled on "Penne with Sun-dried Tomato Pesto." Sounds doable, reasonably classy, and doesn't require a king's ransom of ingredients. I'm looking to keep the price down, ideally.

--A quick sweep of the cupboards suggests that I'm going to have to audible into "Rotini with Sun-dried Tomato Pesto." I doubt that it makes a huge difference. Welp, off to Sentry to supplement my recipe.

--I was mostly covered from our pantry, but I have returned from Sentry with sun-dried tomatoes (I would hope!) and fresh basil. Now we begin.

--Aw, shucks, the recipe called for fresh garlic, but I looked at the store and then decided that garlic powder would stand in well enough. Little did I know that our garlic powder has been expired for 2 years. I had assumed we used it more often than that. Well now what?

--In my search up and down the kitchen for a garlic replacement, I have instead located the remnants of a tub of strawberry frozen yogurt. Maybe like 5-7 teaspoons in there.

--In my sadness of being unable to find a suitable garlic replacement, I have succumbed to the temptation of frozen yogurt. Hair of the dog, it wasn't too bad.

--Dangit! MLS game of the week is on! What a distraction! Oh well, Seattle vs. DC isn't that good of a matchup anyway. Focus, Blake. Do it for Giada.

--All right, still trying to solve the garlic problem. I guess I'll check my pride and return to Sentry. I hope garlic doesn't cost too much. Ned had better love this dish.

--Zuccess! We have some minced garlic in the fridge! It'll have to do. Now let's rock.

--How about some cooking music? The new Kanye single, "Power" gets me pumped. I'll add it to the expected playlist of TI, Maino and Major Lazer. Rap cooking.

--This smells amazing. I'm distinctly Mario Batali. I could stand to gain some weight though, if that is what I aim for.

--Grating some Pecorino Romano. The recipe calls for Parmesan, but I'm not afraid to go above and beyond. My Italian roots are coming way in handy here, see. I might add that fresh basil makes a huge difference. Go big or go home, when it comes to basil.

--Of course, cooking takes way longer when you blog about it. There's a lot of waiting for the ol' water to boil though.

--Just blended my sauce. I'm pleasantly surprised. My parents are home now and I had them try a little bit. My half-Italian mother and my formerly-a-restaurant-head-chef father both liked it. On that note, if both my parents have good cooking pedigrees, why am I roughly as capable as a Sim in the kitchen? No comical fires yet though, fortunately.

--My whole grain rotini is cookin'. I'm still bumpin' some beats. Takin' the "g" off of words endin' in "ing" is SO DOPE. So is the word "dope."

--Pasta is drained, sauce is stirred in and I will finish my dish to the sound of "No Man's Land" by B.o.B. It's good pasta music.

--First taste: Oh man, this is good stuff. I wouldn't have expected it to turn out this nicely at all. The fresh basil, the Pecorino cheese and the special ingredient (hint: the special ingredient is obviously love) really made it. My parents enjoy it as well, and I'm really hoping they're not just humoring me. Trying to speak as objectively as possible, I have to say I'd eat it even if I hadn't made it.

--I'm feeling good about my chances of taking home Iron Ned's Golden Spatula. Even better, now I've got a signature pasta dish ready to go for one of those adorable guy-cooks-for-the-girl dates. Clearly that's the most important thing. Thanks, movies, for teaching me everything there is to know about relationships.

My pasta is all packed up and ready to go. Tomorrow night my potential and ability as a chef will be (casually) tested. I personally think the dish turned out well, but we'll see what it's like once someone outside of my family tries it. Either way, it was a lot of fun making it and I have to say I'd be curious to start cooking a little more. It's definitely rewarding.

I've been meaning to do a summer update post, but that'll have to wait until another day. With the World Cup over and my transition from working to housefellow-ing in sight, I'm sure I'll finally find some time to post soon. Til then, good night, readers. Good night, Giada. Good night, Moon.

UPDATE: Second place will have to do, as my dish, later titled "Romatini di Mazzoca" (One's a made up Italian word, the other a bygone Italian name in my ancestry), placed highest in the categories of lasting impression and description but fell just short. Next time...

Friday, March 13, 2009

I am finally waking up

Well hey, y'all. I'm sitting in Tampa International again, waiting on my flight to leave in about an hour or so. I got my Q-no's, my hat, my stubble. All systems go.

This week is going to be an adventure. I've got 2 job interviews, a trip to MLC, a Jay Gatsby party, and I've already had to turn down Wisconsin hockey tickets to boot. For not having the same spring break as most of my high school friends, I'm sure finding things to do.

The most important part of that for me is the interviewing. On Monday I'm going into Watertown to interview for a financial internship with Northwestern Mutual and on probably Tuesday or Wednesday I have a phone interview for a 40-hour office assistant job with Epic Systems in Verona. Both of these jobs have their pros and cons, but I should wait and see if I'm offered either one before I start trying to pick between the two. Either way, it's an exciting time. A lot of people are having trouble finding decent work so I feel quite blessed that I have two interviews for what seem to be really good positions, experience-wise. I hope it all works out. I need to make money for school this summer regardless, so the added bonus of gaining experience and getting a corporate foothold would be fantastic for either of these companies .

Now that I'm seriously facing the possibility of laying the foundation for my career, it's led me to examine my place in life a little bit. I think I view college as a transition period more than most. For a lot of people, college is the place to spread your wings and have fun...but I think that was more of high school for me. Nearly every decision I've made in college was one that lent itself partially to business sense. I guess it comes with the high expectations I've felt (much of which are my own) since the start of the National Merit process. It's felt like every decision I make will have some immense impact on the rest of my life, because I feel like I need to achieve great success to live up to my potential.

So the result is my slow, early transition into your standard business guy, something I don't have too much of a problem with, really...as long as I don't turn into a workaholic who puts everything else behind that. Sometimes I worry that might happen, but it's in my power to prevent that from happening. I'm just caught between being prepared for real life and growing up too fast. The key is finding a balance.

And that kind of leads into the other key point I wanted to mention with this post, about how my time in Florida is almost up. This marks the last time I'll be flying out of Tampa International to come home from USF. When I get back from spring break, I will only have 5 more weeks at USF before coming home for good. It's a lot to think about.

Tampa has been my home, for better or worse, for about 6 months now. While I'm pretty certain about my decision, it sometimes makes me wonder when I think about how fleeting my remaining time here is. The tie-in here is that a lot of my decision was based on my future. Since Wisconsin is such a better business school and since Wisconsin business graduates are so highly regarded, it made sense to me that I'd have so many more and better oppurtunities by transferring. And I stand by that decision...during my job search I was continually reminded of the preference many employers have about a school like Wisconsin over a school like USF.

However, it all comes back to that balance I mentioned earlier. I'm giving up ease of living (the scholarship), good weather, good friends, and what was a really great relationship so that I can...get a better job when I'm old? Obviously, there are many more factors in that decision, but I say this because every time I reconsider the transfer, the business factor is the one that always brings me back to picking Wisconsin.

So that's what's on my mind a lot, especially now as my plane gets ready to depart. My goal now is to make the best of whatever comes next...for that's the best I can do. See ya in Wisconsin, and next time get yourself ready for a milestone that I have taken an embarrassingly long time to accomplish.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Here have some

I see via many facebook statuses that today is the WSMA day (for at least some high schools) and also the day of Lakeside's regional basketball final against Edgewood at Watertown High School.

Boy, do I miss Lakeside sometimes.

No, I don't miss being in high school. I'm perfectly okay with moving on to college and all, but it makes me remember a year ago where the Calebs and I went from WSMAs in Poynette to Watertown to watch Lakeside play the regional final against Edgewood. I think that was included in my second half of senior year/summer recap earlier in blog world, and was hands down one of the best days of high school for me. I'm not even certain why...of course it was fun and all, but it seemed special for some reason. I guess it just felt like a precursor to summer, with almost a mini-road trip with all the driving we did and a memorable Wendy’s jaunt with a number of running jokes born.

But, life goes on. Edgewood/Lakeside/Poynette WSMA day won't ever happen again, but lots else will. Stay tuned.

The power went out here a while ago. Fortunately, the network's still up and my laptop has 3 hours of battery life. So I can still be unproductive. haha.

Spring Break's a-coming and I'm pretty excited for that. There's an outside chance for a Jay Gatsby party, and all sorts of other possibilities (no to mention not being busy with school...of course). One of those possibilities, speaking of Jay Gatsby, is doing a video remake of the Great Gatsby to help Paul for his American Lit project. That would be splendid, old sport.

Also, my time in Tampa is slowly coming to a close (probably) and I'll be able to reflect on that more in a week as I sit in the Tampa airport waiting for my plane to take off. Because what better time to blog than that?

Other than next week's exposition, there's not much to hit on since the last post. The Real Salt Lake game was fun, I got to meet a few players including the dreadlocked and pictured Kyle Beckerman, who was predictably a cool guy. Also, February's over and for the first time I have officially locked down one of this year's resolutions: #7 - Actually go to the beach. I went to Clearwater Beach with Evan, James, Brittany, and Nick and it was a good time. Cold for the beach, but oh well. It's warmer than Wisconsin. One resolution down, 7 more to go to achieve #16. The soccer one is looking good at the moment, because I'm on an intramural team now. It's hard work - soccer is tough in Florida humidity.

A week later, Brittany and I went to Clearwater Beach at night to get ice cream, for the heck of it I guess. Sometimes the view at night is better than the view during the day. I had a lot of fun doing that. It's nice to get out for the sake of being out, and it's nice to see the ocean.

See y'all in a week.

Friday, February 20, 2009

If we both might be having the same imaginary conversation

I just listened to Cologne by Ben Folds three times, because Steve's new blog's title inspired me to listen to Ben Folds. I didn't feel much for it when I first listened to the CD, but over time it became my favorite on the album. I still don't like Way to Normal as much as Songs for Silverman or Rockin' the Suburbs, but those two were "soundtrack of your life" type CD's for me. A lot of memories tied to those songs.

I decided that I want to get rid of that people tracker thing. It's more fun not knowing who looks at your blog after all. I feel like the North Korean government, tracking everyone's moves like that.

I enjoyed having a Romanian visit my blog. Nameless citizen of Bucharest, I just want you to know that I've always had a soft spot for your national team for some reason. I was pulling for you to make it out of the Euro 2008 group of death. I like Adrian Mutu.

I learned that most random visitors to my blog came because they searched "I got dreadlocks fallin' all over me." These lyrics to MURS' aptly named "Dreadlocks" were the title to one of my first blogs from Tampa, before I actually lived in Tampa. "Dreadlocks" is a ridiculous rap song that was used by Paul, Jordan and I to honor Lake Mills High School's dreadlocked benchwarming basketball player. A live version of it can be found here and a horrible quality version of it can be found here, in a video that was clearly made in somebody's local library.

I mean, seriously, if you're going to play an MMORPG, shouldn't you at least have internet at your house?

I guess the fate of that song and this blog are intertwined. Turns out, when you google search those lyrics (which, if you were trying to find out the name of the song, you probably would because they're repeated 7 times per refrain), that post is the 2nd result.

So, marketing departments, if you're looking to pander to the elusive MURS fan demographic, I've got plenty of ad space. Call me up. I am a consumer whore.

My family is here right now visiting, and Evan is staying in my room. He's next to me right now, in fact. And I'm not being a bad host, mind you, he's doing some sort of math homework that he has to do, so I am blogging. Today we went to the beach briefly and did some much needed shopping for some much-needed groceries (and some not-much-needed sour patch kids, but I do like the little guys), but the truly exciting events of the weekend start tomorrow.

First of all, Evan and I are going to Clearwater Beach with two friends, which will mark my first time in Tampa Bay actually going to the beach for the sake of having a day at the beach. We walked on a pier over Clearwater Beach today, and it does look pretty nice. White sand, blue waters, the whole deal, although I didn't see any shells whatsoever. I guess a nice beach is supposed to be free of them. Huh.

The evening is what really has me pumped though. A Major League Soccer team, Real Salt Lake, is playing USF's soccer team in a preseason exhibition match on campus for 5 dollars. Being the die-hard MLS fan that I am, this excites me quite a bit, especially considering that the nature of soccer games on campus suggests that we will have ample opportunity to meet their players. Also, two of the guys from my US soccer facebook group are coming, presenting more opportunity to meet online people in real life in a non-creepy way.

Being a soccer fan in the US is really cool. Because I take it so seriously, all these guys count as celebrities to me even though most people would have no idea who they are. That just makes it so special when I find other people who view it the same way I do, because it's so rare. And if I meet any of the players and get pictures, I'm going to go nuts and put them online, even though I know about 2 of my friends will even have heard of any of them. But it makes me feel like I'm blazing a trail. Americans will care about their country's soccer in time, it just will take years of superfans like me trying to convince everyone of how great it is. Maybe my excitement will inspire others.

Plus, Salt Lake's captain has dreadlocks, and Flight 109 has a history with those.

Monday, February 02, 2009

It looks a little different.

Q: How many WELS members does it take to change a light bulb?

A: What?! Change?!?!

Well, the new layout looks a little different, but boy howdy, now that I have the power to be able to have a reasonable idea of who's reading my blog at any given time...I could not pass that up at all.

As far as things that...aren't about my new big-brother power. The Super Bowl just happened, and it was fairly exciting. No phone calls though. And now it's Groundhog Day, which has little to no significance when you live in Florida.

Not that it's that significant anywhere else, but that Bill Murray movie is kinda funny.

I plan to celebrate Groundhog Day by taking a bio exam that I didn't study much for. We have a drop test, so I'm not that worried...but even so, I think his tests will probably be easy. The information is so basic. We shall see.

And because this post is otherwise kinda worthless, I'll do the first of my monthly check-ins on the New Year's Resolutions (how I'm doing on the year-long ones, and if any of the one-time ones have been accomplished)

1. The vague girlfriend one is doing fine, because I think I have yet to make a bad relationship decision this year. I also have yet to make any relationship decision this year, but I guess that's part of the resolution anyway.

2. Doin' fine on the no-man's land.

5. The MLS schedule was released this week, and I've already got plans in place to go to Chicago vs. LA in August with Heidi. Planning is the first step toward going, so I like my chances on this one.

6. Actually, last night I went to Ybor City (Tampa's clubbing district) with a few friends, and we walked by but didn't go in any of the clubs because the prices were jacked up for Super Bowl weekend. Patience.

7. I came close to going to the beach, but instead it was a pier in St. Pete that stretched out into Tampa Bay. It was at night anyway. I am sure to get this one eventually.

9. Uh...my grades seem ok. It's hard to tell this early. Last semester, I got about a .5 swing from midterms to finals, so we'll see. If I don't get it, I wouldn't be broken up - as long as the grade was respectable.

10. No cooking has been done whatsoever. But I'm trying to stop eating dairy. That's food-related at least.

11. I guess so. Kind of a stretch, but I guess so.

12. I have yet to miss church this year, so I guess that's saying something. It helps.

13. Jobs are hard to come by in these parts. As long as I get a good summer job in Madison I'll be happy.

14. I have been making a conscious effort to stop the casual swearing.

3, 4, 8, 15, 16. Irrelevant or N/A

This will force me to update at very least once a month.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I love juice

Well, school started up again. It's pretty ok so far. One part of it that I'm really excited for is intramural sports. I guess I'm part of an intramural floor hockey team started by a friend of a friend, so that's kind of just for the heck of it. What I'm really pumped for is intramural soccer...which would be my first actual soccer competition in about a year. I was already offered a position up top and my strike partner is going to be another guy who takes his soccer pretty seriously. We've also got one of my roommates, James, who played in youth leagues in Italy, at center back...so now we're ready to take on the frat teams.

I guess intramurals are taken fairly seriously here, which is good, because I really want to be competitive with soccer again. And, of course, it should help me achieve my new year's resolution to play soccer at least twice a month. It's really giving me something to look forward to.

Another thing I've thought seriously about doing in my time down here is reviving Attack Boat. I don't have a guitar though, nor do I have a piano, guitar pro, or anything else I could compose music with. However, it seems like I have enough ideas in my mind to write songs about...it's just a matter of putting it all together.

I actually did finish probably 90% of a song called "Clearwater Bleach" but I'm not very happy with it so I don't know if I'll ever finish that last 10%. I've also been working on potential covers just because I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much of anything down here, so it might be fun to revisit music. I also like Attack Boat's new picture. It's probably the least unflattering I've ever seen of myself.

And WOW. Olde English is a really funny online comedy troupe that made one of my favorite videos ever (the one about scrabble...because I find a lot of humor in tangibly awkward situations), and I found one of their sketches that...shows that they have general distaste for my blog?



Ouch. Not sure what I did to piss those guys off. Actually if you'll watch the whole sketch here
you'll find that it's merely a coincidence, and that apparently flight 109 goes to Italy?

Of course, if you watch the video, the title makes more sense. Not that I don't at least like juice, but I don't know if I'd go as far as to say that I love it.

So, what else has been interesting since I got back to Tampa? Well...I'm taking this class on Middle Eastern culture, and for the class we had to go to both a Middle Eastern restaurant and a mosque. Fortunately, two of my roommates are also in the class, so we were able to do these things in a group. It was really interesting, but I have to write a paper on it, so I probably won't describe it until I'm done with the paper. Which I guess I'll post on here after I hand it in. So there's something to look forward to, if you look forward to posts.

I finished my UW application a little while ago, and it's like high school again...I check online to see if they got everything and if they accept or not. Realistically, I should get in, because my GPA is slightly better in college than it was in high school and Wisconsin is easier on transfer admissions anyway...but I don't want to get too confident. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I didn't get in. Well, it would just mean that I'd have to stay at USF at least a semester longer.

There are often times in which I don't think that would be so bad. This is more likely to happen in the daytime, when the sun is shining and I can wear shorts in December. As I walk to class basking in the (literal) warm glow of the Florida winter, I think of how much of a blessing it is for me to be going to college and turning a profit. I think of how much fun I had at Bulls football and soccer games and how, by transferring, I'm basically giving up the responsibility-free attitude I could have had for another 3 years.

But I know I want to be back. The nights are a different story and they are often spent lonely. I have a very good group of friends, but I have to swallow my pride and admit that, as much as I'd like to grow up and be mature, I wasn't ready at age 17 to just leave everything and everyone I loved behind while I went off and made a new life on the bay.

I've certainly addressed this numerous times in this blog alone, but that's because it's a major point of struggle. I just hope I won't ultimately regret coming back.

You know that new year's resolution last year about being happy with all my resolutions? I'm going to try to actually make good on that this year.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Just one more plane ride and it's done

...at least for the rest of this year

4 years of Flight 109...wow. How fitting that it is celebrated on a day which I spend at both of my homes, flying from Tampa back home to Wisconsin. An awful lot has happened in the 4 years since I started this blog because blogging was more popular back then. Back in the pre-facebook era.

I just went back and looked at my only other anniversary post, which was on the 1-year Flight 109 anniversary. For whatever reason, other than that year and the first, December has served as an absolute graveyard for Flight 109 posts, not even being touched in the other years of the ol' 109. But I guess that changes today.

Wow, was the 1-year anniversary post depressing. I mean seriously...cheer up, former me. Back then, I thought my social problems were SUCH a big deal and everyone needed to cheer me up. How wrong I was on all the things I thought...truth was, I just was missing out on the important stuff. Looking back, I had an enormous net of friend support...maybe not quite as good as now, but even then when I was feeling sorry for myself for not having a niche, there were an awful lot of people who really cared for me and showed it. Thanks, guys.

And the thing that got me so down in the first place? A girl. Of course. I have no explanation whatsoever for what got me so enamored with my locker buddy. We were pretty good friends, sure, but I talk to her now (rarely) and I feel nothing in particular. But for whatever reason, hoo boy, I had my heart set on her and myself completely convinced that she was the only person for me. I feel pretty dumb now for thinking that, but now at least I can just look back and laugh. And I often do, seeing that the person I hated most in that overdramatic drama is now my best friend.

But, man, up till then I had never felt that way about anyone, so it effectively dominated my sophomore year...which I look back on and that makes me mad at myself, but all's well that ends well, right? I did a lot of growing.

And that was when Eisenhower began to be established too...good stuff. Katie was the basis of more than a couple Eisenhower songs...well, actually, just a couple, but one was Seattle, so it's a pretty big deal. So it's funny that while that song continues to live on and defines my very status as a musician, I no longer have even a semblance of a feeling for the subject (not to mention that I moved to the East Coast, but not Virginia...and I really didn't leave to escape any pain. But I will remain in Wisconsin, after all. "Fort Atkinson life?" haha. Gotta admit though, I still think the Pacific/Atlantic blue eyes bit was kinda clever.). But the point is that Eisenhower, even by way of the emo song that every high schooler is required to write at some point (Homecoming), was a big, big help during an otherwise worthless year.

I want to digress a bit to talk about some of Eisenhower's songs. There's literally like...1 Eisenhower song that remains even half-relevant to anyone in the band. There are a total of, let's see...I had to go back and calculate this...6 or 7 girls who can claim full or partial inspiration to an Eisenhower song (yeah, because I'm sure they're gonna put that on their resumes...). And only about 2 of them are still close to any of us. And they’re in the same song.

All that goes to show is that we all progress and grow a lot, which was more or less what I had been getting at with this entire anniversary (blogiversary?) post.

I love how in that one-year anniversary post I comment on how much I had changed over the past year. While I’m sure I did, it doesn’t seem like it looking back. At least not compared to now – then I was 13 going on 14 and didn’t understand a thing about life, social and otherwise. Now I’m 10 days from 18…and I still don’t really understand anything about life, but at least I realize that now.

I’ve done and experienced a lot since then. I started a band, I got a job, I got a drivers license, I graduated high school, I lived on my own for 4 months, and I experienced my first relationship in its entirety. Now I’m frighteningly close to being an adult (in age and in responsibility), something that seems so far away from where I was when I started Flight 109. But 4 years is a long time, and I’m thankful they went the way they did. Life in Wisconsin got good enough to come back for…and to have that at any stage in your life is something to be thankful for. I’m still in limbo in a lot of ways, but I have somewhere to come home to. And coming home I am.

And that’s an entirely literal statement. I’m actually on the plane right now. I think we just flew over Atlanta…or some other big city with a large domed stadium that is between Tampa and Milwaukee but closer to Tampa. Being that ATL fits those parameters and most other cities don’t, that’s probably what it was.

The airport experience was once again rocking. Nice work, Tampa International. And I didn’t hear the Brooklyn accent lady this time, but the questionable fellow who talks about “beautiful children” was at it again. I guess that’s proof that it wasn’t a joke and that he’s just sort of creepy. The Tampa airport is now synonymous to blogging for me. A lot of this was written in terminal A.

I love having the window seat. The views are so amazing (and distracting, for that matter). For instance, we were flying over completely clear skies the entire time, but now that we’re in…probably southern Tennessee, there’s impenetrable cloud cover as far as the eye can see in every direction. How that could be the case when the rest of the Southeast was sunny is beyond me. And clouds look so much cooler from up here too, especially when the sun is setting, which is another advantage of this great Tampa to Milwaukee flight – it runs once a day at 3:32, which is perfect timing for the sun to be setting during the flight. So beautiful. There’s a warm orange glow over seemingly endless miles of puffy cotton...sometimes I just love flying. And I very rarely hate it. It completely tires me out, but I find the experience enjoyable. It’s a chance to listen to my music, maybe get some rest, enjoy some great views, and hey, I don’t mind a Sprite and some crummy little airplane pretzels now and then. Of course, the flights back home are always better…so I guess a lot depends on the context too.

And boy, am I ready to be home. The last couple of weeks have been a grind. That really long paper was the bane of my existence for the week I was writing it. In hindsight, of course I could have not put it off to one week, but I’m reasonably proud of myself for doing it over the course of a week instead of waiting for the last night or something. I’m not so sure I could write 15 pages in a night, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I could do 8 in one night, seeing that the longest paper I had done until that point was 5 pages.

The moon just came up over the horizon, and it’s huge and orange and I think full. So cool. I’m like a little kid with how much I am astounded by airplane rides. But I digest.

If the paper had been about something really interesting, I probably would have liked it more, but at least the sources were plentiful. I mean, I wouldn’t even want to read a 15 page paper on the 2008 election…much less write one. And if I was getting a good grade in that class, it wouldn’t have caused me so much anxiety. While C’s get degrees, B’s don’t get you into really good grad schools, so I was hoping this paper could bring me up from my between a B and B+ range. And I still don’t know. That professor likes to torture his students by waiting until the very last minute to post grades. And by giving them 15 page papers, for that matter.

The moon is big, bright and round now on my right, and the sun is in its closing stages and creating brilliant colors on my left. This is so picturesque. I want to make it my desktop, but I don’t have a camera…plus it’s panoramic and can’t be done justice by photos anyway. You’re all so jealous. Come fly with me sometime.

But while I was hating my life over my 3.4-ish at midterms, I managed to pull myself up to a somewhat more respectable 3.7 range, by my estimation. We’ll see once I get all my final grades, but I feel a lot better about that second number. And I’d like to add that I always hated grade perfectionists in high school, so I feel ridiculous now, but for some reason, paying lots of money to go to school for two more years is a very important goal for me, and that’s a lot easier to do the better the grades you have. I don’t know how bad those grades will matter once I transfer, but if nothing else, it proves to me that I’m starting to develop a work ethic that matches my potential. There were a lot of nights that I really dug deep, and I’m proud of myself for that. I was such a screw-off in high school. I realize that most people were, but I’m glad that I proved to myself that I am capable of actually working hard. I’m going to need that in the years to come.

But as for now, I am a college student flying home to take a break. I will fill my cup and live it up and catch up with friends. There is a time and place to worry about all those things in the future, but I am not an adult just yet. I’ve got a solid base, I’ve got a bright future, and for the first time in months, I have 3 weeks to go to holiday reunion bashes and just enjoy myself without worry. I’m so excited.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I've got my things, I'm good to go

Flight 893 to Milwaukee with a stopover in my mind. And thankfully, not a stopover somewhere tangible. Like Denver.

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the airport was supposed to be busy. Instead, I got through it quicker than any other time flying, probably because Tampa International is the most rocking airport of all time. There are no lines anywhere, everything is brand new and clean, the internet is free, and I can plug in my laptop all over the place.

Of course, I didn't expect the Tampa airport to be this rocking, so I got here 2 and a half hours early. So I blog.

I've seen some funny stuff already at this airport. It's like every airport worker feels like goofing off today. The guy who checked my ID looked at it, then me, and said really loud "YEP THAT'S YOU!" and then laughed a little. And then he did it for the guy behind me too. And some of the P.A. announcements have been funny. One of the ladies has a Brooklyn accent and said in like 100 different ways that rows 15-25 were boarding.

"15-25 are now boarding, that's rows 15-25. Row 15 through Row 25. That's 15 all the way to 25. Rows 15-25 are all boarding now. Rows 15-25 for JFK. Thank you."

And then there was this really weird one where this guy announced that parents with children could board some flight early. And he said something like "if you have precious children, you can board now. And bring those beautiful children on down." I don't know if he was trying to sound like a pedophile to be funny or just always sounds like a pedophile. Either way, strange things are afoot at TPA. I love airports.

I really do. I love seeing people coming in or going out from all these varied places in the US. I'm kind of a US geography person too, so hearing all these cities coming and going and seeing the people that came from there or are heading there...it's terribly interesting to me.

I'm rocking my designated airport weary traveler look at the moment. I am unshaven and approaching burly lumberjack status. I've got my backpack and old jeans and my Air Force long sleeve on, because I imagine airport people like travelers who support the military. I am also wearing my Tampa Bay Rays hat, which is continuing its fading to gray.

I bought that hat based on a visualization I had of wearing a hat while I fly on my own (because it's easier to be confident with a hat on, I guess?). Tampa Bay, so to not look like a tourist. So today, it serves its purpose. But wow. This hat has quickly become almost moccasin-esque with all the events in my life it's been present for. Since I bought this hat in June, I think I've learned and grown more in these 5 months than any other period of my life. I guess independence does that for you.

Hopefully this hat lasts a while and I don't have to write a funeral post for it anytime in the near future. I never really wore a hat too often before this (except for post-8th grade/pre-freshman year) but it seems to be working out pretty well. I shower at night, so I often need it to cover my bedhead anyway.

And it represents Tampa Bay, which is an area I have truly grown to like and probably always will, regardless of where I end up. If I don't live here, I could definitely see myself becoming one of the thousands of old people who come down here for winters/to die. Or at least I'd like to vacation down here with my family. I have also adopted their baseball team (which I was going to do even if they didn't win all those games/make it to the World Series. I refuse to be accused of fair-weathered fandom), which has to be a sign that, despite my yearning for Wisconsin, there's something I like about this place.

Yep, from Summerfest, Mustard Fest and countless rounds of golf to moving South and my first kiss, this hat has already been through a lot, and I'd like to think it's just getting started.

In 3 or 4 hours time, I will land in the snow of Milwaukee, and I'm more excited than I can even let on. It's only for a few days, and I probably won't see everyone that I want to, but I am coming home and I can't wait.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I'm a bear, etcetera

- Mike Birbiglia.

So, my life is a vacation with classes.

I live in Tampa, which is more or less a vacation capital for yankees like myself. It's incredible, I'm 30 minutes from Clearwater Beach (widely considered one of the best in the US, and even t-shirt material for Hollister), and I still hear some of my classmates complain about how campus isn't close enough to the beach for their tastes. Might I add, it was 93 degrees today, it will be 93 degrees tomorrow...and it has been over 90 for almost every day I've been here. Come wintertime, it will usually be in the mid-70s to 80s.

Some of you would kill for this. Just a little bit. (just a little bit, you would).

It's pretty ok. I'm also getting a little tan (in relative terms, at least). But life-wise, college has been solid. It's kind of a let-down from my amazing summer, but anything would have been, because my summer was amazing.

But I've met great people. Most of my nights are booked with social activity and there's almost always a group to study with in the dorm lobby. Also, we watch a lot of movies, leading to my 3-day streak of watching a Rachel McAdams movie.

Most people have celebrity crushes, or at least fictional character crushes (I'm looking at you, Edward Cullen. Stop enchanting our teenage girls and go back to vampire-land. I'm gonna carry around my F. Scott short stories anthology and throw it at the next person I see reading "Breaking Dawn"). It's something I've never really given a lot of thought to for myself, but I guess if I had to pick a celebrity crush it would be Rachel McAdams. Partially because I think she's hilarious in Mean Girls, and I like her character in Wedding Crashers. And, well, I think she is pretty, which is why people usually pick Keira Knightley or Jessica Alba. But Rachel McAdams seems pretty chill and like she'd be fun to hang out with. She also attended the MLS all-star game - bonus points!

Although I did dislike her character in the Notebook - that girl was pretty needy. But I have faith that it was just Rachel working her acting magic.

But like I said, it's not like I gave much thought to it. But I never really had an answer to that question of favorite actress, so there ya go. But I digress.

I should be blogging about how school is, moreso, but I don't know what more there is to say. Classes are fine. I already got a blurb out there on how my friends are. My roommate is cool. The food is satisfactory.

It's just kind of surprising to me that this huge change in my life is hardly registering in my mind. I guess I've always been comfortable with changes.

Well, I shouldn't say it's HARDLY registering in my mind, because I often think about home and how great it would be to see all the people back there that I had come to love. But I'm hardly homesick, it just makes me really look forward to Thanksgiving weekend (when I hope everyone is free to get together for a while). But I'm not really lonely here, I just occasionally find my mind wandering back home. Stuck between Drunk Girl and Hurricane, I say. But I'm not too concerned by it. Life is pretty good.

One thing about Tampa life that I feel I should mention is the church I go to. There's only one WELS church in the area, and I have an arrangement with a very nice couple to pick me up and drive me there every Sunday. They also have invited me back to their home for lunch a few times and are doing everything in their power to make me feel comfortable.

Very un-WELS, don'tcha think?

I kid. Sort of. The church itself is very small, and the pastor's a younger guy who seems very excited to serve his Savior. It's so cool to me, that even down here in unfamiliar territory, I can go to church on Sunday and still sing the same 300-year-old German hymns I would back home. It's comforting, in a strange way. You take that stuff for granted when you live next to Lakeside.

Another cool thing, that I already told a bunch o' the MLC kids, is that I got to talking with one of my best friends I've met here so far about faith and church and etcetera, and to make a long story short, I invited her to church and she's going to come with me. We were going to go to church together this morning, but my alarm didn't go off and I overslept. I basically wanted to die, but the pickup couple that I stood up accepted my apology and next week is on. All is well again at Northdale Lutheran.

So, yeah, Tampa is cool. That's pretty much why I'm down here. Because it seems cool. Haha. There's much more to it than that. But I've found that a surprising amount of what I do is an attempt to make myself look "cooler".

I wear a baseball cap
I wear aviator sunglasses
I go to school in Tampa

Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and admit it now, much of my decision to come down here was because it seemed cool. Yes, it was financially responsible. Yes, I am going to college for free. Yes, I am creating a business network in a major metropolitan area. But an embarassingly large amount of my decision, in hindsight, was because I thought it would make me totally cool.

Which really doesn't invalidate the decision. It changes the way I look at it, but I don't know if I can say that there was a better decision, based on career opportunities and financial management, available.

But there is much more to life than career opportunities and financial management. Whether those other intangibles will prove to be better or worse down here remains to be seen. That's when I can decide whether this was a good decision or not. It is much too early, of course.

But at least I'll be cool.

Maybe someday on the blog I'll talk about the main events that eliminated the college contenders one by one, because I think it's fascinating looking back. But I want to do it in style, with pictures and graphs and music, or something. It would be kind of a big project. I doubt anyone is THIS interested in my life and my little future-planning struggles, but if I feel creative it's something I'd like to do. All I know is that "I'll follow the Sun" by the Beatles would figure importantly in such a presentation. Get it? Florida? Sun? Sunshine State?

Plus the Beatles are just good, so...

Also, I'd use "Seattle" (because I love myself, of course...) and "Driving South" by the Early November. Not sure what else there would be. Also not sure why I'm hypothesizing what songs I'll use for my likely never to be finished project. Maybe I'll have to do some big powerpoint project for Public Speaking or Computers in Business. If I do that, I'll be sure to show it to all "y'all" at home. See, I live in the South now. Gonna go grab some Chick-Fil-A. Drink an iced tea. Drawl. Ya know.

But that's about all I have to say about that. The paper, take us away.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

And she drifts so far away...

Right now, I can't get "Hurricane" by Something Corporate out of my head, because I'm bunkered down in this hotel room in Tampa because of tropical storm Fay, which they say will become a hurricane. It's crazy. I haven't even formally started living in Tampa, and mother nature is already all like "ROAR GO BACK TO WISCONSIN PASTY ONE". Congratulations, lucky reader(s) of Flight 109, you will be treated to hurricane commentary by me, someone who has not ever been close to one. With my descriptions, you'll feel like you're in the hotel room with me, watching the storm out the window and fringe olympic sports on the TV.

Of course a blog about only a tropical storm (better known by their scientific name, "hurricane wannabes") would be awfully drab, so I'll do a REAL blog, and just highlight real-time Fay updates.

6:40 - There's complete cloud cover, and there has been for most of the day. It's been raining on and off, and right now, it isn't raining. Many area businesses are closed, and some beachfront hotels have evacuated. I'm basically expecting the storm of the century here, but right now, it barely even looks threatening.

Well, I’m only hours away from moving into my dorm room, my home for the next three months. And let me say, it is scary and feels kinda lonely. I’m conflicted on that part, because I realize that lots of people are moving into dorms just like I am, but I also know that if they get truly homesick or lonely, most of them are just a few hours or less from home, or at least have some friends from home nearby (I’m looking at you, MLC kids). But this is the decision I made, and I really have no reason to feel sorry for myself there. I’m going to school in Florida for free. It could be so much worse. I just worry myself.

6:55 - I went out onto the hotel room's balcony. I felt something of a pressure change, but that's about all there is to speak of. Birds are still just hanging out, planes are still taking off, and a guy just walked by. Not a hurricane-hardy master of disaster, but just an honest, no-fooling guy, completely unfazed by the harsh weather (or lack thereof).

One of the parts that has actually really affected the fact that I feel this way is that I’ve never enjoyed being home as much as I have this summer. I’ve gotten really close to some friends, and as I suggested in the last post, the stuff I’ve been doing this summer has made it the best of my life. When I decided on USF, it’s not as if my friendships were bad or my life wasn’t fun, but I didn’t view it as something worth missing out on this opportunity for. My experience this summer has kind of changed that point of view.

7:22 - My attention from blogging, the hurricane, and fringe olympic sports has been diverted by the start of the Rays game. B.J. Upton, Jason Bartlett, and Nathan's favorite, Gabe Gross just saved a few runs with some brilliant defense. I'm liking my new hometown team, but they're losing now, unfortunately. I'd feel worse about this digression if Fay was doing anything whatsoever.

But still, there are things to look forward to at USF. Some of the people I’ve met seem cool. “Cute orientation girl” actually has me pretty excited about moving in, at least in that respect. There are new people to meet. This I understand. The thing that worries me the most is that I never really have that safety valve of surrounding myself with loved ones regardless of how bad it gets. That’s just something I’ll have to get over. God is there.

8:09 - I took a break from blogging for some dinner. The amount of nothingness that the storm is doing here is mind-numbing. Don't play like this, Fay. You can't just threaten to throw your hurricane parts all up over everyone (and make people evacuate their vacation sites) and then not do anything. Those vacationers must be peeved.

My other main concern is over the quality of school. I’m sure USF is a decent school in its own right (if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have picked it), but my other main option was Wisconsin, which is a GREAT school (and closer to home, but that’s already been addressed). The downside is that it isn’t free…but the price difference might be worth it, who knows. Wisconsin is a school that I grew up envisioning myself at, and would be a very good school to graduate from.

8:43 - It's dark outside, but that can be mostly attributed to the sun going down. The winds have picked up quite a bit, but they aren't even beginning approach any category. Cars still driving, planes still flying.

The way I look at it now, I’m thinking that a transfer to Wisconsin somewhere along the line is a distinct possibility, and perhaps even probable. I realize I haven’t even started at USF, but part of me feels like life was too good to give up in Wisconsin (for more reasons than just friends) and I’d like to “come home” sooner rather than later. Who knows, maybe I’ll take to life in Tampa like I took to their baseball team (if I get nothing else out of this, I at least have a baseball team to root for…Rays with a big comeback win tonight! What a distraction).

STORM OVER - At least I think so... no rain, barely any wind...nothing at all to speak of. I guess I still don't know what to expect of a true hurricane. Unless THAT was a hurricane. Then I'm pumped.

Well, the most important thing that you, the reader, can take from this is send me things in the mail. Wait, what?

That's not very life changing advice from me, but I'll give you my mailing address (probably in a Facebook note, which will be a first for me) as soon as I can find it, and I'd love to get mail. For sure.

That was kind of a needy end to the post, but I had to throw it out there. Because if you feel generous, creative, or like becoming my hero, that would be the way to do it. Thanks in advance.

And then, so long from Tampa. Look forward to my first post from my new home.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I will now listen to nothing but Ben Folds for this post

...and I would advise the reader to do the same.

Facebook - the greatest known nemesis to blogging.

Since that fateful night of October 25, 2006, when Becca, Danielle Pett, and Ellie Baum christened my facebook with its first ever comments (don't worry, I had to go back and check...), Flight 109 has played a heavily under-appreciated second fiddle to the internet's biggest timesuck.

So tonight, facebook, I will bite my thumb at you. I need to blog for the first time in 6 months (and for only the 3rd time in the past year). I'm overdue like a...book, I guess.

Haha, I just looked back at the post with that title, and in the beginning, I apologize for having not posted in a month. Amusing.

Anyway, now that the requisite apology for failure to post in a timely manner is out of the way...now to the meat and potatoes of this blog post.

See...therein lies the problem. I don't have any meat and potatoes to post.

But when did I ever, really? As John Pauer once mused on his blog, what are blogs for, outside of telling the world whether or not your mom packed a cookie in your lunch for school?

I probably butchered that quote, and took it way out of context, but I can't go back and look at his blog and double-check, because it's sadly lost forever in cyberspace. I enjoyed his blog.

But there have been some things on my mind lately, and there certainly have been a lot of happenings this summer that have been blogworthy.

I'll start by saying that this has probably been the best summer I've ever had. Or, alternately, the best six months ever (being that my last post was about six months ago). So much has happened between then and now. I'll give a quick summary, and if you, collective loyal Flight 109 reader, were there for that memory, perhaps I can elicit a smile.

(although I said I was biting my thumb at facebook, I admit I used my wall's history to remind myself of some of these more obscure references. I nearly forgot some great ones, and when I saw them again, it put me in a pretty good mood. A begrudging thank you, semi-enemy Facebook. You win again.)

January
- I made the decision to not apply for Camp Phillip SALT staff (despite Tyler Shinnick's constant urging). I'm sure it would have been fun and a great experience, but right now I'm glad I didn't. I will seriously consider it for next year, but what with moving away, I think the time I've had at home this summer has been really important. Like I said, I've really enjoyed it.
- I became backup kicker for the Fort Tokyo French Toes. 2 people at most will get this, but one of them will laugh if he ever reads this.
- I, filled with some bitterness toward the Lakeside soccer program, and some of my closest friends banded together to form the powerful indoor soccer team "Royal Westminster FC". We only won once (by forfeit), but we had by far the best jerseys, and I think the most fun, of anyone in that league.
- We celebrated snow day after beautiful snow day by going to Ming's to ruin our digestive tracts by way of Chinese food and watch old pre-CGI Disney movies. Pocahontas, surely you appreciate being watched by a bunch of male high-schoolers (and Nancy).

February
- I watched part of the Super Bowl, and talked on the phone for half of it.
- I found out that I qualified for a full scholarship to USF, where I am going next year, but cautiously. More on that caution later. I'm in for the long haul here.
- Arizona State University bought me a delicious steak. Thanks guys. I'm not going to go to your college, but I suppose I'll cheer for you in sports now.
- I went to a Bon Jovi concert with Kyle Fax and Paul, almost spontaneously. Bon Jovi may be cheesy, but "It's My Life" is a great song. There's no getting around it. The middle aged women in front of us surely agree. Although I think they preferred "Bed of Roses".
- Along with Paul and Jordan, I became part of the biggest JV girls basketball fan group Lakeside has ever seen. I had none ulterior motives.

March
- I got my first ever job, working backline (fryers and bun prep...classy) at Culver's in Johnson Creek.
- I hated my first ever job.
- I enjoyed one of my favorite days of high school ever, the day that we had WSMA solo-ensemble in Poynette. When we were done, the Calebs and I got outta Dodge, went to Wendy's, shared perhaps the funniest car ride I've experienced ("here have some!" and Jackson Pollock's, er...smoothies), went to the Lakeside basketball game, and then hit up Sydnie's for some party.

April
- Jaclyn got mad at me online for no particular reason. I am not the only person this has happened to.
- I went Irish dancing. I rish you could have been there. ha! ha!
- I celebrated Stabby the Green Pepper day. The day went so well (probably entirely uninfluenced by Stabby, but stranger things have happened) that I will almost certainly celebrate next year on April 10th. I haven't deleted that text message.
- Evan and I started the Craftsman F-up series of racing. I won the first race. No one needs to know about what happened in the subsequent races.
- I secretly began to listen to Z104 in the car. Not much a secret NOW is it?
- I won Get on Da Mic, because of my superior knowledge of the song Rubber Band Man. I DO have a 45 in my other hand, thank you for asking.
- I went to WLA's prom with Becca. I had a great time. The dancing was decidedly non-Lakeside, but that isn't really why I enjoyed it.

May
- I went to Lakeside's prom with Becca. I had an okay time. The dancing was decidedly Lakeside, but as I alluded to before, the style of dancing doesn't really change how much I enjoy a dance.
- Sometime around here, Caleb Meyer and I became even better friends (despite the mock hating of each other's guts during the mock trial. You are an evil, evil man, Mr. Doering). Not sure why it came at this point, but it's something that has made this summer really fun.
- I quit my first ever job.
- I graduated high school. This is probably the only thing that will appear noteworthy from this summer looking back 20 years from now, but it seemed quite insignificant while it was happening. Through all the festivities, it seemed like mostly just a rush to get to the next grad party.

June
- Meyer and I set off on our long-awaited trip to Fond du Lac for Becca's and Hannah Sugars' grad parties. Again, probably one of the best weekends of my life. Caleb racing to the mall and driving aimlessly afterwards, "sleeping in the car", and hitting Christmas Kringle before we left...I had such a great time. It surely will be done again.
- I went to Jay Gatsby's fabulous pool party. Went nuts over a soccer game, played closet Mario Party, rid Caleb Schmiege's basement of flood, and bid Tom Mackey and Caleb a fond farewell before they left for Washington. I miss Tom.
- Tornadoes almost killed me...if funnel clouds over your house could kill.
- Steve Pelischek and I Fort Atkinson Youth Center'd with Sy, which mainly consisted of filling sand bags for flood relief. It was actually pretty fun.
- Pablo "El Ocho" Garcia Ingles scored a hat trick to lead West Ham to its first ever Champions League berth. Ecstatic yelling ensued.
- Not sure if it was June, but some time around here I started playing Sun Prairie pickup soccer with a bunch of people, including Sergio, the incredible foreign old guy. Sergio inspires me.
- I had my graduation party, and celebrated by not eating any of my graduation cake. I had some crazy good assists in barefoot backyard soccer, before we got kicked off for being downwind. According to several completely made up sources, my party was "rappin'"
- I made a lyrical reference to my own song "Seattle" because I thought it was fitting. Caleb Meyer did not pick up on it.
- I went to Tampa, Florida for mandatory college orientation. My roommate was pretty sweet, but unfortunately he won't be my full-time roommate. I began to have second thoughts. More on this later, as previously mentioned.
- Fax, Schmiege, and I went to Milwaukee to pick Meyer up from the airport. Contrary to popular belief, we did not buy any Webkinz. We don't really even know what they are. We also learned in the airport museum all about a man whose name is too easy to make fun of.

July (of the dearest sort)
- The Class Prophecy was finally posted on Youtube. I was pleased.
- Instead of watching fireworks, I celebrated July 4th in the company of my friends at Less than Jake's Summerfest concert. It was eventful to the last drop.
- I went to Racine Day camp for a day with Heidi, Bethy, Corrine, and Monica, whom I hadn't really met before. It got me to start considering doing camp next summer.
- I sat down and committed myself to writing a new blog post, which has taken me well over two hours. Good thing I don't have homework or something.

It's 12:34 and 56 seconds right...now. This fills me with second of joy.

I think that's a more than sufficient recap of the past, just instead of doing it in small doses, I went for the gusto. I suppose I'm only hurting myself by doing that, because it only gives you a few comments for all this information. And bloggers love getting comments. It's like...citrus twist tic tacs to us (or to me, at least). The most gallant blog commenters could possibly have a field day on such an action-filled post, but at this point, I'm not even certain I still have a readership.

I almost included a sentence at the end of that paragraph suggesting ways for people who have not read my blog before to find my blog, but then I realized that if they were reading that sentence, they would have found the blog. I must be tired.

I promised earlier that I would elaborate on my thoughts/concerns about college (or the future in general, whatever), but I think I've done enough blogging for tonight. Once I reach a completely un-pre-determined quota of people having read this post, I will deliver the aforementioned college report. Until then, take us away, the paper.