I don't mind if you don't mind

No, I would not like to switch to the new version of blogger. I think you're mean for asking. I hate when things like that change. I always get used to it, but begrudgingly.

I'm dumb. I should be writing that thing for history. I should be doing trig. One hard trig assignment comes along, and I'm suddenly too lazy to do it. I'm really lazy. It makes me angry.

That laziness. It makes me afraid of actually doing work. I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of
- change
- commitment
- the future
- girls
- the possibility that my friends (and/or people in general) just put up with me
- screwing things up. in anything really.
- letting other people down
- and spiders

Okay, so I'm not trying to deal with the last one right now, but at least that one's a relatively valid fear. Or common, if nothing else.

Let's take change. I guess this is one that a lot of people are afraid of. It's not to say I don't like change...sometimes I do. But I always fear I'm leaving something behind I'll never get back. How irrational.

Commitment. This probably goes along with girls. I tell myself that I want a girlfriend, but truth is, in the event that I had one, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know what to do about it. Seems to me that there's a lot of pressure involved...or maybe I've been viewing extremely poor examples of relationships.

The Future. This one's so broad. It's the fear of screwing up, doing something that I can't go back and undo. Let's just say that the future freaks me out.

Girls. I'm still bad at talking to girls. Like freshman-bad. Actually I think they're better at it for the most part. And I haven't the slightest idea why. Supposedly they're just as afraid. Supposedly. I don't think I buy it.

The friends one. This probably isn't even true, and I think a good percentage of high schoolers have likely felt the same way at one point or another. I know for sure I'm not the only one. None the less, it still gets me sometimes.

Screwing things up. I like to do things right. I hate messing up, because messing up makes me feel stupid, and I hate feeling stupid. Call me a perfectionist, and I kind of am.

Letting other people down. This may very well be one of the biggest, and actually ties in with most of the others. I don't know why, but since a young age, I've always wanted to impress people. I want be liked by everyone, and I want to like them back. For as long as I can remember, I've always gone to pieces trying to right my wrongs to those I care about. There are people who always let me know when I'm letting them down, and it totally kills me. Right now, I'm going to say I'm sorry.

I guess that pretty much does it. I'm not entirely sure why I wrote that. It's probably not going to do the general readership any good, but I think I needed it. Sort of. I like to get these things out of my mind. And my blog always listens.

And I just plain don't like killing spiders.

A one way non-stop to anywhere, find anyone, do anything, forget and start again, love

There's so much to blog about, which usually kills my inspiration, but I'll give it a shot.

First off, I'll start with the Reel Big Fish/Streetlight Manifesto concert. What a blast.

Reel Big Fish and Streetlight are really good bands, and their openers weren't too shabby either, but the real fun in a ska show is the jumping around, skanking, and screaming the words at the top of your lungs. I would say this was easier for me with Streetlight because I knew all the words (aside from their new songs), but I immensely enjoyed both of them. It's probably the best Wednesday night ever.

The very next morning it was two class periods at Lakeside and then off on the 7-hour bus ride to the one and only Martin Luther College for a two-night campus visit. I can honestly say it's left me with a lot to think about.

I'll start off by saying that I had a complete blast. Some of my best high school friends were on the trip, and I got to spend some quality time with a bunch of MLC students from camp. There were so many of those "this won't be funny, or even make sense a day from now" moments and a lot of much needed catching up was done. But that's not the reason for going.

I've done a lot of thinking about if MLC is the right place for me to go. I really like the idea of being around all the people there. There are so many great young Christian people surrounding you, and, as Matt Borck said "There's no fun like Lutheran fun."

I'm just not sure if being in the ministry is right for me. That's really the decision I have to make. I'm not going to MLC unless I'm sure that I want to be a pastor or teacher, because going there for any other reason and going through the motions would be plain wrong.

Thankfully, I have a lot of time to think about my decision ahead, and of course pray about it too...I guess this is growing up.

18 hours of bus riding, countless games of sheepshead and Ray Charles jokes, and a head full of thoughts later, I arrived home for the rest of the weekend. And of course not to catch up on any of the sleep I missed.

The first day back at school (the first of two, and then a field trip...) John and I established our loose off-season training regimen...so I'm pretty excited about that. Cross Country, here I come!

War and Peace out.