Thursday, December 31, 2009

While I'm wide awake

Here is the original for those types who turn on the director's commentary while watching DVDs.

Relationships
1. Make wise relationship decisions this year
Well, my relationship decisions for this year were as follows:

Winter and Spring in Tampa: I took myself completely off the market as I transitioned from a short but whirlwind relationship.

Summer at home: I burned a bridge and spent months trying to prevent myself from rebuilding it while busying myself with work and friends.

Fall and Winter in Madison: The bridge was rebuilt. And I was too exhausted and jaded from school and work to figure myself out enough to become someone worth dating.

So were my decisions wise or unwise? I guess it's a shade of gray. But it isn't exactly progress, is it? If I'm keeping myself accountable with these resolutions (which is the point), then I can't possibly give myself credit for this one.

2. Spend no more than a month in "No Man's Land"
A month? I don't know if I could say that I spent a day in No Man's Land this year. Which has its positives and negatives, really. All told an improvement though, I'd say.

3. Find myself a good MLC marriage track girl
I only spent a couple days this year visiting MLC, and I definitely did not spend those days actively searching for a wife. That's ok. This resolution is facetious, but I still maintain that I'm almost infinitely more likely to find someone there that I'm on the same page with than I am at UW.

Experiences
4. Half-facetious resolution that was lost on the cutting room floor.
Wasn't accomplished, wasn't attempted, wasn't serious, and didn't
belong in the "Relationships" section before. Ha.

5. Go to at least one MLS game

(September 26)
I went to my first MLS game with my roommate and his girlfriend, as we watched Chicago tie Toronto 2-2 in a thriller. We had such a good time that we went down twice more (for playoff games), even appearing on Sportsillustrated.com as a result. Jordan and Heidi got season tickets for next year and I'm sure I'll join them for a number of those games. It's a passion now. Go Fire!

6. Go Clubbing
Regretfully, no. I think it's regretfully, at least. I do think that it would be an interesting experience.

7. Actually go to the beach.
(February 21)
I did, on several occasions. They were some of the many pleasant memories I have of my second semester at USF. I'm really looking forward to seeing everyone in a week.

8. Remember to celebrate Stabby the Green Pepper Day
(April 10)
And to great fanfare! This will probably be a resolution next year too, after which it will just annually become second nature.

Personal Improvement/Achievement
9. Finish with a cumulative 3.9 GPA at USF
(~May 2)
A surprise 4.0 for the second semester ensured that I ended my time at South Florida with a 3.93 GPA. Good thing, too, because I could only dream of doing that well at Madison. It's a whole different world.

10. Learn to cook passably
I didn't really even attempt to do this. Oops.

11. Find a way to play soccer at least twice a month
(up until October)
I was doing so well with this one, but predictably it got totally derailed by the Wisconsin winter. I even had a fall/winter indoor league lined up, but I was way too busy with work to do much more than entertain that idea. However I played often during the summer and took every advantage of the Florida weather to go outside and kick around. A winless intramural season was tough, but then again I was one of like 3 people on that team that had even played soccer before.

12. Keep the Lord in my life
Although I fret about the other things on this list so much, at least I've still got the most important one.

13. Work and find enjoyment in it
I started working at the ol' Targs in July and it's been way more enjoyable than my first (fast food) job. Sure, it's not always a blast to stock tampons or fold clothes for hours on end, but I have definitely found enjoyment in a lot of it. Particularly when Shallow Blake goes to work.

14. Swear less
What is it about living on campus that makes it so easy to swear? Oh, probably that everyone around you does so constantly. Even so, I'm always careful about who can or can't hear it...mostly it's done in the confines of my dorm room. Knowing that anyone and everyone can see what you do on the internet, I maintain the "Al Michaels Standard of Verbal Decency" while I do my social networking.

15. Get a scholarship
I thought about giving myself this one, considering that I do have a fairly substantial corporate scholarship at the moment. However, I mentioned at the start of the year that I wanted to get a scholarship in addition to that one, which is not something that I accomplished or even tried to do. I guess there were just other pressing needs over the end of the summer.

So I accomplished 7 out of 15. That's just under half...

16. Accomplish at least half of my New Year's Resolutions
(8 of 16)
...until now. I'll be back tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Well.

I'm not really even sure what to say right now. For the third time in the last 4 years, a relative of mine has passed away during the week of New Year's. This time it was my Grandma Marie, who was technically a step-grandmother (having married my maternal grandfather after his wife passed in the 60s), but was always treated as my Grandma growing up. I don't have much eulogizing to do on here, as I've almost just become kind of numb to the whole situation anymore. I'm more saddened and prayerful for my Grandpa, who despite his own constant health problems now has to face the death of his wife for the second time.

I was in the middle of my New Year's Resolution post, but I mean, that can wait.

I don't know. This time of year and these last six months have really been something.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Digressions

If included every digression I wanted to while blogging, each post would probably be about twice as long, and make about one tenth of the sense. Still, I tend to take mental note of what pops into my mind like those Vh1 music videos of the late 90s (You know...? I'm thinking of something real, right?).

Here are just a few I encountered, vaguely categorized.

Concerning Pokemon and the phenomenon of PPPDecember
- Any time a fad gets too popular on Facebook, I see it as my opportunity, nay my DUTY to be a smartass about it (I get it from my parents, I think). However, I'm not that opposed to Pokemon Profile Pic December, as I have fond memories of Pokemon just like everyone else. Even so, I couldn't just join in. Therefore, my roommate and I agreed to start with "Obscure and Worthless Pokemon Trainer Card December" and work our way toward a pretty amusing coordinated profile picture war later this month. Way to go me for way over-analyzing facebook fads.

- I enjoy the amateur psychoanalysis based on what pokemon one selects as their profile picture. Don't pretend it doesn't happen.

- Perhaps it's due to my upbringing as a conservative Lutheran, but I refuse to warm up the idea of any pokemon beyond #151. Even Mew is kind of a stretch... I stopped paying attention to the series well before they released the, like, 500 more pokemon or whatever that there are today. I never saw what was wrong with the 150 we had.

- If you don't pick Squirtle out of the 3 choices at Professor Oak's laboratory, you are probably a terrorist.

- If I were to play by the rules and pick a pokemon profile picture, I would probably go with Tangela. A bundle of vines with huge eyes in tennis shoes? How did Pikachu get to be face of the series over you?!

Concerning Pandora
- Pandora is something I held off using for quite a while, but I have definitely started to see the benefits the more I use it.

- What if there was a Pandora for dating? You just enter in a person that you like a lot of the qualities of, and it shows you several similar options based on your preferences. I'll bet someone has made a youtube video about this or something.

- I make a lot of jokes about liking pop music, but I like it way too much for my own good. The 3 stations I rotated between tonight are probably pretty embarrassing.

- One of them was "Live your Life" by T.I. featuring Rihanna. I won't say the other two, but I'm willing to put myself out there over that song. I don't care, I really like it, you guys. It's one of about 3 rap songs I will defend my like of to the grave. The other two have already gotten mentions in blogs this year.

- The more normal Lady Gaga's music and image gets, the more I like it. Which of course means that there is an awful lot of Lady Gaga that I hate.

- At least I still listen to old Relient K?

Concerning Snow, Career Opportunities, Friendliness, and the use of the term "Sweetheart"
- I'm actually pretty sure I want to move back to Tampa after I graduate from UW-Madison. There are a lot of things about the city that I am in love with, and I just thrive a bit more in the friendly, laid-back atmosphere of the south.

- But we'll see. I've been pretty sure about a lot of things.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

After my 5th blogiversary post, here's my 109th total. Epic.

I've always been kind of opposed to the overuse of the term"epic," but if Al Michaels can say it during Sunday Night Football, I can too. This is also how I justify the phrase "What the hell?"

On the way out of my last economics lecture, I overheard a girl saying to someone else, "Well, then, you should blog about it!"

So I guess I will then.

I owe my general readership a more detailed explanation for the appendix and emergency surgery references sprinkled around my internet doings. I guess I'll just jump right into it...

It all started on Wednesday night, not long after my post "And We'll Say Hello" (because I'm sure everyone reading this can picture which post that is based on the title...). UW systemers would remember this as the snow day, which I was fairly lukewarm about considering that I only missed one class as a result and still had to work my 7-to-midnight shift at the ol' Targs. Regardless, I was still pretty cheery at the thought of a snow day and the night got better when I and most of my coworkers were sent home from work at 9:30 because pretty much no one braved the roads to shop.

In usual circumstances, my roommate Jordan and I go get dinner around 11 PM or later, because we both work late shifts pretty consistently. However, that night, due to the roads, all the university food places were closed early. We were both pretty hungry so we started entertaining the idea of calling for a pizza. The standard digestive anticipation (I don't really know what phrase to use for it, but I think everyone more or less knows that feeling right?) I felt in my stomach was increasing as we weighed our options of all the local delivery places.

Within a couple minutes of researching, that feeling had grown to actually be pretty uncomfortable. Eventually it didn't feel as much like hunger, but more like nausea or indigestion. At about 10:15 or so I decided I wasn't interested in ordering anything anymore, and I ate an apple and went to bed with the intention of sleeping off the increasing stomach pain.

10:30, of course, is a ridiculously early bedtime for most college students, especially for one that regularly works past midnight. I just felt that miserable. It didn't get any better, as the pain continued to increase as I tossed and turned until about 2:15 AM.

My first inkling in discomfort or sickness is to assume the very worst. However, since I know this is kind of a weakness, my actual course of action is to pretend that nothing is wrong whatsoever and try to tough it out. Since I've got that mental override pretty firmly planted in my distress gameplan, it can take quite a bit for me to overcome that and actually try to fix something that is wrong with me.

The abdominal pain, while at that point being the worst I could ever recall (I couldn't even stand up straight at its worst), would not have been enough to seek help on its own. But the chills...

I was absolutely frigid cold. It must have been a sight to see. I was laying in bed, bundled up in a comforter, sweatpants, two pairs of socks, 3 layers ending with my warmest sweatshirt, and a hat and gloves, and I was still shivering my teeth off. My roommate was in the same room writing a paper at this point in an undershirt and gym shorts...

I got out of bed and took my temperature to see if I might have a fever to go with the chills, assuming at this point that I might just have a new stomach flu virus. My suspicions were laughed at when the thermometer read "95.9".

95.9?!

Assuming that the thermometer was broken (but not really ruling anything out at this point), I took my temperature again. 96.1. Wow.

Doing what anyone who grew up on the internet would do next, I hopped on my laptop and WebMD'd the possible causes of an abnormally low temperature. After ruling out hypothermia (Why is that even on webMD? Do people really need an online diagnosis after getting pulled out of freezing lakes?), I determined that the body's reaction to an infection was roughly the only sane explanation for the ice cold temps.

At this, I vetoed my fear of being a hypochondriac (would that be hyperchondria?) and called my dad. Thankfully, he's usually up at 2:30 AM - I wasn't going to hedge my bet on university health services, given that most other university services were undermanned due to the snow.

After debating all of our options over the phone, he finally offered to come into town and bring me home, in hopes that I could get a doctor's appointment the next morning. Jordan stayed up until my dad got there in case anything happened (what a good roommate...seriously, I'm so grateful for that), and he got there at about 4. I made it home by 5 AM and passed out under quilts as the exhaustion finally overruled the pain.

In hindsight, I probably should have taken some painkillers. Huh.

I woke up after about 4 hours of sleep feeling quite a bit better. It didn't hurt too much at all and I was beginning to think that the whole thing might have just been some nightmare false alarm. I had a doctor's appointment anyway though, so I figured I'd go just for the sake of going. I drove myself to the doctor's office and after a short consult, my doctor basically said "The low temperature's a bit concerning, so we'll send you to the hospital for some lab work and a CT scan just to make sure it's not appendicitis. It probably isn't though."

The doctors in Lake Mills are notorious for ordering completely unnecessary tests for the sake of caution, so I was pretty skeptical. For instance, they've made it a habit of diagnosing everyone in my family with "heart murmurs" and ordering echocardigrams - which always end with the tech at the hospital wondering why an echo was ordered in the first place.

I figured I'd drive to the hospital (in my beloved Watertown), humor myself with the tests to justify all the class I missed, and head home after a false alarm.

I had the blood taken, I had an IV put in, and I had my CT scan. The tech running the scan started to take the IV out after the scan was over, and a nurse said "shouldn't we leave that in just in case he needs surgery?"

The tech replied, "Nah, I don't think we'll have to worry about that."

(Spoiler alert: Thanks a heap, pal)

At that point I was pretty certain I was fine. Obviously I didn't look like someone dealing with appendicitis and I didn't really feel like one either. I sat in the lobby, opened a Time magazine, and awaited my clearance to go home.

I might add now that my doctor told me that he wanted them to call him with the results so that he could tell me himself. The waiting area receptionist summoned me to an office near the reception desk and told me to pick up the handset.

I expected, "Hey Blake, this is Dr. Basarich. You're good to go."

I got, "Hey Blake, this is Dr. Basarich. You do have appendicitis, and we've already scheduled your surgery. They'll tell you what to do when you hang up."

Hooooooooooly frick.

I got a chance to call both of my parents (both of which were at least an hour away at work) and tell them about it, and then I was led into my surgery waiting room. I was for the most part still pretty calm at this point, although I was really just trying not to think about it. The anesthesiologist started some preliminary stuff as I sat in the operating bed, and then she just sat in there and talked with me for a while. For that I am forever grateful. It was about an hour before my mom got there, and I was rolled to the operating room about 5 minutes after she arrived...therefore, if not for the friendly anesthesiologist, it would have more or less been me and my thoughts (with a break for a new iv drip installation on my hand. Hey, thanks again, CT scan tech) for an hour leading up to emergency surgery.

I should send her a Christmas card, or something. She was incredibly reassuring in an otherwise fairly scary and lonesome situation.

I really wasn't all that scared for the most part. I did a lot of praying, and I kept reminding myself that this is an incredibly routine surgery that they probably do all the time. I never considered myself to be all that much in danger, but still, there were the nagging doubts.

"I'm going under, there's always a little danger with that."

"What if this is the time the routine surgery goes wrong?"

"They are cutting into my abdomen. Whoa. Hold on a second. I've had mouth surgery, but this..."

"This is emergency surgery...EMERGENCY. surgery."

Soon enough, though, I was in the O.R.

Soon enough, I was out of it.

I don't know how long the surgery took, but it's not like I would have noticed either way. I woke up completely drugged out, groggy, and in a fair amount of pain, but also thankful to be awake. The recovery from there was slow...I wasn't able to get out of bed for several hours after that, and I just about collapsed walking the 5 feet to the bathroom. All while hooked up to the IV. Blegh. No one said it would be pleasant.

My mom was with me the whole time, and Evan and my Dad came to visit for a few hours that night. I got a few calls from relatives (i.e. the Monkle) but for the most part I wasn't out spreading the news.

I watched some college hoops, #6 Syracuse vs. #11 Florida in Tampa (...sigh), and got as much sleep as is possible with abdominal wounds and nurses coming in constantly to check your vitals. The next morning I had a little bit of breakfast (I made it 23 hours without eating anything. Which isn't quite a day, but is still longer than I've ever gone without sleep) and chilled in the hospital until my 5 PM discharge. Wheelchair on the way out and everything...rollin' like a big shot.

Hospital stays aren't great, but they are what they are...the tough part is the restrictive period afterwards. It's been five and a half days since my surgery and only tonight have I eaten my first full unrestricted meal. Walking to class is tough. Shoot, walking up stairs has been tough. I'm not allowed to pick up anything of any weight for some time now, and since my job involves lifting, I have a surgeon's note saying I can't go back to Targs until January 2nd. One one hand, that sounds like a bit much to me; but on the other hand, stocking stuff all day in my current 'old man' physical state would probably be pretty disastrous.

So now I'm back at school just in time for finals (I don't have one til Thursday, so yes, I can afford to blog tonight) which have barely been of worry to me compared to my physical state.

Finals are kinda strange this semester. This semester on aggregate has been so ridiculously terrible compared to any other I've ever had that I'm probably just going to call mulligan on it and start going for that other major I wrote about on the night of the appendix attack.

I'm not sure how strongly I'm going to be able to finish this semester, but part of me feels like I have a few pretty reasonable excuses if I don't. Well, there's never a reasonable excuse to not try your best, but if ever there was a semester to just close out and forget about, it would be this one. Calculus, 20 hour work weeks, 7 school days in the last month lost to bouts of swine and appendicitis...yeah, I'm ready for a change. Maybe next semester I can actually have time for a social life, enjoy what I'm learning, and feel like I'm working toward something I actually want to do after college. A boy can dream...

So there's my appendectomy. I definitely went more in depth than I thought I would, but I've gone a whole semester with only quantitative assignments - I'm kind of yearning to write now and then. For that reason, I keep wanting to write more and more blogs (3 in one week's time is already a ridiculous pace. That probably hasn't happened here in years), but I'll hold myself back for a little while until after finals. After that, I'm going to be blogging at least twice more regardless of motivation - I've got resolution recap '09 and 2010 resolution making to take care of.

Until then, I've got some tests to take. After that, it's sweatervests, Tampa, and bowl games for a whole month. I cannot wait.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Five Alive

Delicious, yet unrelated

After five years, Flight 109 is still alive and kicking...more or less at least. I've blogged semi-regularly recently, just in time for the sudden resurgence of blogging I've noticed lately.

Generally anniversary posts are reflective in nature, or at least have a fair amount of substance to them. However, given the exceptional circumstances which engulf my present situation, I'm going to leave this post as more of a memorial marker than a contemplation.

I'll probably have a reasonable post about said circumstances ready within the next few days, but for now I'm resting on my laurels. After all, this is my first time ever making a blog post without an appendix, so I'm understandably exhausted. Blog stamina is stored in the appendix, see.

So I'll just say this: thanks to everyone who has followed this humble little journal, whether it's just been for a few posts or if you can remember reading this in 2004. Thank you to anyone who has commented on a blog post, either online or in person - you have no idea how nice of a feeling that is. And thank you God, for blessing me in countless ways over the last five years which are chronicled here.

War and Peace Out.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

And we'll say hello

Snnnnnnnnnnnnow Day!

The University of Wisconsin-Madison is notorious for its complete unwillingness to call a snow day (like, once in the last 20 years), but for whatever reason last night's blizzard was ridiculous enough to lead to cancelled classes. Having driven in it (and having to drive in it again tonight to go to work), I can say that it is pretty bad out there but I don't think this would qualify as one of the two worst snow storms in Madison of my lifetime. Ol' Chancellor Biddy must just be the charitable type when it comes to missing school.

I didn't get out of all that much today. Today was one-class Wednesday and I still have to go to work tonight, but at least I got to sleep in, eh? Plus I suppose there's just the added excitement of learning about it the night before. It makes you feel like a kid again. I got to enjoy hearing it from some of Evan's roommates, who are all characters. It's always a good time over there when everyone is together and last night wasn't an exception. Even though the power went out for 2 hours and it was freezing in there.

We've entered the last full week of classes, and boy will I be glad to be done with this semester. This semester's workload has been fairly insane and I'm looking forward to a jam-packed winter break...3 Christmas parties (with new sweatervestery to be purchased!), a Tampa weekend, a tentative MLC trip, and maybe a Badger hockey game sprinkled in here and there. I can't believe there used to be entire weeks where I had nothing going on...

I'm so excited for break because I'm so sick of school. The class load this semester has been enough to get me to consider a few different paths in college. I'm no longer a lock to be majoring in marketing. I still want to be doing the same type of thing as a career as before, but I think I might prefer another way to get there. The alternate major I'm considering is "Journalism-Strategic Communications" which admittedly sounds a bit more convoluted than marketing, but is described simply as a "blend of the studies of Advertising and Public Relations." That's more or less what I wanted out of Marketing, so I'm going to take the entry-level course for that major next semester to determine if it is a better fit for me than Marketing.

I still fail to fully understand what the best fit for me is, but that's a big part of your first few years of college, right? My qualms with marketing were that I have no interest or skill whatsoever in accounting, finance, management, or really any business-school factor that would be included in 'Marketing' but excluded from Strat Comm. However, the rhetoric and presentation of advertising is what got me fascinated by marketing in the first place. I have a hunch that I would thrive considerably more by building up that side of my interest than trying to force myself into a path I'm not as sure of.

So I haven't switched majors yet, but I'm taking next semester to decide. I built next semester's classes specifically to knock out required gen ed credits and keep both Journalism and Business doors open. This next semester is a big one.

I thought I had it all figured out by now...but I still kind of do. I know roughly what I want to do when I'm done with school. I'm just at a fork in the road - where both roads probably lead to more or less the same place anyway.

I'm hoping that maybe the whole "have everything figured out at age 18" thing is more my own mental creation than the reality.

Although, I'm gonna be 19 soon. Better get on it. Everyone knows THAT's the age where you need to have everything figured out.

See ya again in 3 days.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

INFP

I generally don't put a lot (read: any) credence into personal assessment tests that can be taken online. However, since the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator predates the internet by decades, I suppose it can be taken a little more seriously than "Which Twilight Vampire named Edward are you?" and the like. Most people have heard of it, and I'd say quite a few people I know have taken it as well. It doesn't serve all that concrete of a purpose, but I took it a year or two back and it amazes me to this day how accurate it is as a personality analysis. I suppose if everyone broadcasted their Myers-Briggs results, we'd all have a better idea of how to deal with each other socially, or at least get an idea about how what we do affects those around us.

When I took my assessment (I don't actually remember where it was, but it was free, online, and took a good 30-45 minutes at least), I got the result of INFP, which is apparently "The Idealist." There's a website that has really detailed explanations of what all the results mean, and for the heck of it, I'm going to post what my result said.

The Idealist

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.


Every paragraph of that I read, I shake my head and think how accurate it is. I suppose that's probably the case for anyone that takes one of these, but for some reason it's really fascinating to read your own. I think we as humans love when people tell us what we already know about ourselves. Reading this, I just want to tell the website that it really gets me.

But it's only a website of course. I simply find it nice that someone put so eloquently into words my answer to the conversation piece of "tell me about yourself".

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Baby, you'll be famous

Now I know what it's like to live for the weekend.

College life has become a bit of a grind. I still have the occasional leisure time to myself for unproductive things (like blogging), but the homework and the job are ultimately pretty pervasive to the point that little Xbox breaks and such just seem like distractions and procrastinations. All told, it's all right, I'm accomplishing a fair amount - but I really only enjoy myself when I specifically set time aside to do something that I want to do. It's about the mindset, I think. It has to be something to look forward to, and something about which I've told myself, "yes, I am taking up valuable productivity time, but I will get joy from this! Learn to accept joy!"

So I'm trying to set aside more of these times. Perhaps that's the wrong approach, and I should start being able to find joy from everything...but to do that, I have to shut off the worrying part of my brain - and I can only do that a few hours a week.

So what kind of things DO I do with worry-free time?

The most exciting for me has been Chicago Fire games. Well, technically I've only gone to one of them, but my crew and I ("my crew" is used loosely here...it's more of a random smorgasbord of 5 people) are heading down November 7th to watch Chicago take on the New England Revolution in the playoffs. The first Chicago Fire game I went to was late September of this year and I'm hooked. My love of Major League Soccer (and all things soccer, really) is well documented, so it was probably only natural that I'd love going to games. I'd go as far as to say that my first Fire game was among the 3 best days of this year (behind only my two US National team games this summer). Plus I achieved one of my New Year's resolutions by finally going to a game, and I am totally still working to accomplish those.

Something else I'm about to start doing is going to Badger Hockey games. Evan and I got season tickets this year because our dad used to take us to games at least once a month for several years while we were growing up. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of excitedly hopping in the car with dad and going to hockey games...I started going when I was 4 or 5, I think. We'd get to our seats, get hot dogs and share one of those huge stadium sodas (always a diet coke...probably why to this day I like diet coke unlike every other male I know) and watch Badger greats like Brian Rafalski and Badger not-so-great-but-still-a-cool-guys like Jake Soper.

The reminiscing was enough for Evan and I to buy season hockey tickets, although because of work I can only go to the Friday games, and even then something tends to get in the way - so I haven't been to a game yet this year. I'll probably go this Friday, although Evan probably cannot go and I'll be forced to look for someone to go with and take his ticket. So hey, anyone want to go to a hockey game Friday night? or want to buy Saturday night tickets, ever?

(The sales pitch seems irrelevant when few people read your blog).

And one of these weekends (perhaps the weekend before Thanksgiving?) I'm planning on taking off of work and heading up to MLC. I of course have a lot of friends up there (many of whom I haven't spoken to much lately, due to mutual busyness and distance) and I always love a good weekend trip to anywhere. My last trip to MLC was a lot of fun, but there were several variables involved that could be improved on for the next trip. I always enjoy trips there either way, because the kindly folk at MLC are such a breath of fresh air compared to the prototypes I run into all the time at UW (or ran into, in the case of USF).

Golly gee, I sure would love going to school there, I just don't want to be a teacher. Funny how some of my friends have the opposite sentiment. Maybe I'd eventually feel the same if I actually did go there.

But if I went to MLC, I'd be able to get that nice, family-minded WELS girl from the plan...instead of the near-vacuum of female interaction that comes with my tight schedule. But that can always change...and that's a topic for another post. Get to bed, Blake. You have an exam tomorrow.

Friday, October 16, 2009

You just might find...you get what you need

Last night I got in a conversation about plans. More specifically, I was asked what my backup plan for my major would be if I for some reason didn't get into the business school here.

Without much thought, I rattled off my non-business school backups to marketing: economics, mass communication, journalism, sociology. I have thought about this before. And there is no indication that I should have any trouble getting into the business school.

This is because I plan. Too much.

One walks a fine line when mapping out the future. I know a lot of people claim to plan too much, but for every overanalyst there's a former high school party animal managing an Arby's. I prefer to err on the safe side.

All in all, it's a reasonable way to live. Having goals and backup plans just mean that you're always prepared. But it can get you into trouble.

Even though I always have a backup plan, I can get my heart set on an ideal goal. this, of course, is stupid because nothing works ideally. But boy will I work to make it happen.

And this is where I'm stuck. College to me is one elaborate connecting flight between being a kid and "following my plan". I feel like I need to have everything figured out by now...which is well and good as motivation, but puts a lot of pressure on my actions.

For instance...I don't drink because I set my mind on being morally sound and not drinking til 21. I work all the time because I need good references and experience on my resume. My key factor for transferring to Wisconsin was to seal a better chance at getting into Northwestern for grad school. So that I can get the good, steady, limitless potential job in Chicago. So that I can get on my feet and attract a nice family-minded WELS girl. So that I can work and save like a madman to get a decent house in the far northern suburbs of Chicago. So that I can raise my kids in a safe suburban environment, take them to Fire games, and send them to Shoreland Lutheran (where they'll play soccer of course!). So that they can be good, responsible, morally sound kids just like their dad tried to be. So that the Mrs. and I can retire down to Palm Harbor, Florida and join a country club with our retirement savings. So that I can show off pictures of my grandkids to my old man golf friends.

Aaaaaaand, what are the odds of that all happening?

Yet, every B I get on an assignment, every screw-up at work feels like another dent in the plan.

But it's a dent in a ridiculous plan. I can basically guarantee that 20 years from now this plan won't look a thing like what I ended up doing. It probably will look far-fetched 2 years from now for that matter. Yet I struggle to convince myself not to tie myself to my plans.

The key here is trust. My faith in God is fine overall, but my trust in his plan is constantly lacking. I feel the need to blueprint out my entire life, even when he certainly has something much better in store for me than what my restless young adult mind churns out. It just takes a lot for me to trust that.

Parts of my plan collapse all the time, so that's why I come up with backups. But the backups are just as likely to collapse as well. But that's fine. That means I'll live out a life that was picked out by someone better at planning than myself.

Which is encouraging.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The struggle is nothing but love



Well, after what seemed to start out as a slow summer, I managed to fill up my summer quite a bit by the end. Because I think my favorite post ever is last summer's play-by-play, I guess I'll just do one for this summer. Fasten your seatbelts, everyone, if you have a seatbelt on your chair.

This summer had a lot more ups and downs than last year's magical summer, but I feel pretty much ready for anything where I stand now. It's a part of growing up, I suppose. Without further ado (and without Freddy Adu), I present this summer:

May
-Well, obviously I started the summer by driving home from Tampa to Lake Mills. The last "general" post of mine was written on the way back, so I never got to say much about the rest of the trip. Fortunately, not a lot happened on the rest of the trip. Driving through ATL listening to "What You Know" was easily the trip's highlight. Easily. Also, we arrived in Lake Mills just in time for the last hour of Lakeside's prom. To think, if we had left an hour later we would have had to navigate through swarms of horny, awkward teenagers just to get home. Whew.
- I had a couple slick Mr. Cool Guy business suit job interviews, which on the whole went pretty well. I didn't get any of the jobs though. Being 18 appeared to be a pretty major limiting factor. In due time.
- I got my USF grades, accomplishing a 4.0 for the semester - better than most of my high school report cards. As a result, one of my new year's resolutions was accomplished. Still keeping tabs on those.
-I found out pretty early on that this summer wasn't going to be the same carefree one I had last year when two of my friends/soccer teammates, Zach and Ryan, were killed in a car accident about two weeks after I got back. The first I saw of most of my close MLC friends after getting back was total grief. It's still sad to think about it. A lot of us grew emotionally and spiritually, and it caused some people to re-evaluate their direction in life. God got to use them to help us, and also got to welcome two new saints into heaven. Eternally speaking, a win-win. Can't wait to see you guys again.

June
- Graduation parties! Ah, man I love them. Obviously they weren't all in June, but a lot of them were. Most memorable were any that included backyard soccer (which was most of them), playing "tank points" at Kristen's, watching "The Room" at Paul's, telling the clown joke at Jordan's (a personal record 27 minutes!), getting free shirts at Jon's, crashing Paul's hot friend's graduation party, singing O-Town karaoke to Seth, establishing the 2/3 principle with Aaron at Bre's, debuting "Shallow Blake" at Sarah's and destroying my shin playing G in the G at Eric's. I'm sure there are plenty of others I'm forgetting, but I had a lot of fun at parties this year. Way to throw good ones, class of '09.
- USA vs. Honduras world cup qualifier. I think I've said enough about this one, as it merited its own long, excitable post.
- I went to Tom Mackey's house a lot, often with Caleb Meyer. Car ride dialogue shaped a big part of the summer.
- Noah's Ark! Tom, Claire, Caleb and myself got into Noah's Ark for free because we are good students. Noah's Ark is much smaller than I remember. None the less, it was fun. Demolishing a huge pot of macaroni between us while watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" was a nice end to the day.
- 2009 FIFA Confederations Cup. Not something I experienced personally, but I did get to watch it on TV. In short, my obsessed-about US soccer team beat the number 1 team in the world in a game that I recorded so that I may have it forever (ish). Watching the victory was so rewarding.
- I tried frantically all month to get a job. Of course, the same could be said for May and most of July, considering that was pretty much my goal for the summer.

July
- I took a day to drive to Fond du Lac and do something I needed to do. On the way back, I stopped at the Horicon Marsh lookout point, took a deep breath, and just felt alive as birds flew by. "There's no looking back," I thought as I drove on the narrow isthmus of Highway 49, blasting "Drunk Girl". So I haven't.
- I went up north for the first time ever, with the Phi Gimma. I loved it. My family always preferred vacationing out of state, but there are definitely some merits to a trip to Northwoods Wisconsin for tubing, fishing, scrabble, and other general manliness. I hope we do it again sometime, it was one of my favorite weekends ever.
- On my way into chapel to practice for playing music in church, I scraped the inside of their narrow garage opening with my (parents') car. The damage was severe enough to set me back the 300 dollar co-pay on the insurance, which was starting to look like quite a bit considering I couldn't get a job for the life of me. This setback, coupled with the summer-long stress of not being able to get ANY job after having such high, high hopes, made that night feel like a major low point in my life. I felt like a failure whenever I had to address the fact that I couldn't get hired anywhere, so that was about as bad as it gets for me. So lo and behold, the next day...
- The phone rang. It was West Madison Target, looking to set up an interview several weeks after I applied. The date was set for that coming Friday morning. Generally return on heavy prayer isn't so instantaneous.
- Thursday of that week, I got to go to my second US soccer game of the summer, this time a tournament semifinal - also against Honduras and also at Soldier field. We won 2-nil and I had another great time. Plus I got to aggravate a bunch of Mexico fans and had stuff thrown at me. It's like a rite of passage for a soccer fan. We got back after 1 AM that morning. My Target interview was in 9 hours.
- So I went to bed, woke up, drove there, and got myself a job. Its stature doesn't compare to the internships I was interviewing for earlier in the year, but it's a good steady job that gives me a lot of hours and honestly, pays about as well as any of those business-y jobs I could have gotten. And who knows, maybe I can shoot for a Target corporate internship next summer.

August
- Fantasy Football draft. It wasn't particularly eventful but is always fun.
- Fax's Jay Gatsby Party. I showed up late because of work, but a Gatsby Party is always a highlight of the summer.
- OK, so I didn't do a whole lot during most of August, but that's because I worked about 40 hours a week. I gotta get paid, son.
-The last week of August was the exception. In one powerhouse day, Aaron and I managed to accidentally set up a radio station marketing proposal, discover a gem of a Korean baseball video game, and play Mackey in the tremendous "All My Children" board game.
-About that marketing proposal...basically, Aaron and I wanted to tour the offices of Madison hip-hop station "93.1 JAMZ" but didn't know how to ask. So we made up that we had a marketing proposal to make so that they wouldn't throw us out. Instead of getting a station tour when we talked to the receptionist, we got an appointment for a week later to actually make a marketing consultation with the station's program director. Realizing we were in a bit over our heads, we took the time to brainstorm an actual marketing plan - a 3v3 charity summer basketball tournament called the "JAMZ Slam". Jon drafted us up a logo and we dressed sharply for our appointment...and it went perfectly. The director loved our idea, got our contact information, and now we're approaching the very, very early stages of planning. Even though the appointment came basically as a joke, this could well turn into something that serves as a serious springboard for a future marketing career I may have. It'll look pretty good on a resume that my business partner and I freelance marketing consulted a local company into planning a big event. So hopefully everything pans out with that.
- Then I moved into college. Which, hey, is where I am right now.

College is kinda silly for me, because I'm working at Target so much (20+ hours a week) that I haven't really had the time to go out and meet loads of random people and just live the college life. But I'm ok with that. I got to do that last year. I came into Madison already having a lot of close friends (including my roommate) and if I have to sacrifice meeting a bunch of bros in order to keep my student loans manageable, then I'm ok with that. Hey, at least I got Badger Hockey season tickets. So I'm doing one part of the college scene right.

That's where I am in life right now. I'm almost always either working, going to class, or doing homework and there aren't even blips on my girlfriend radar...but you know what? I'm doing great. I'm starting to figure things out a bit. I'm starting to live my own life. I'm learning from everything I do. At a glance, my status in life seems unremarkable...but I'm just enjoying the ride and waiting with bated breath to see where it takes me next.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

The First Week of July

Judy
Could anyone be loved anymore than I love you?
Does it hurt you too?

But Judy
I've been feeling small too long.
I love you so
but something's wrong.

I come running when you want me here
and when you want me to I disappear.
Judy.

I knew if I made it easy for you
you'd settle for me, yeah eventually.

But Judy,
I can't be myself anymore.
It's way too hard
being loved by default.

And I can't do this any longer.
The vacuum left is so much stronger
Judy.

Judy you know I'm not mad anymore
at least most of the time
but it could take a while
and I've been living just to see you smile
every once in a while.

Tears fall
but that don't mean nothing at all.
Just cause I said it first
yeah that's why it hurts ya

And Judy
I won't be your bitch anymore
and follow you around
and hold the door.

I'm not sorry if you're not sorry too
and you're not sorry until I make you.
Judy.

Give Judy My Notice - Ben Folds


What a difference a year makes.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Amarillo! Tarjeta amarilla por favor!

US soccer is one of my favorite things in the world. Everyone has their own obsession that no one else fully gets (whether it be music or cars or theater or...World of Warcraft?) and this is mine. And I frankly, to this day, have little to no idea how that happened.

We aren't really a soccer family at all, and in the US, it seems like you have to be born into a soccer family to pick it up. I mean, I played soccer as a little kid and I was pretty good, but every little kid played soccer and I'm sure most of them were pretty good. But I'm sure playing soccer isn't the key, as the many opponents and teammates I've met through playing soccer have yet to produce another US soccer fanatic quite like myself.

I think it started in 2002, when the US did well in the World Cup in South Korea/Japan. I remember seeing some news story about a big upset they had, and my 11 year old self somehow decided I would get really interested. I even woke up at 4:00 AM to listen to one of their games on the radio (something I fondly recreated last year during the Olympics, albeit with a TV that time). However, after that World Cup ended, soccer faded back into a passing interest for a long time, until the next World Cup in 2006 I guess.

My return to soccer fandom (and the start of the serious fanaticism) is chronicled in the classic June 21, 2006 post I might have to start liking Yellowcard by default. In this post, a 15 year old Blake claims to have "gotten really into following soccer lately" amongst a host of other chubby, nervous drivel. The point is, my love for the team grew from that summer (which, as I noticed looking back at old posts, was momentous in a lot of ways. Perhaps this will be chronicled in another post) to the full-blown obsession it is today.

Anyway, through all of this, I had only been to one US game before, in the summer of 2007 when the love was still blooming into half of what it is today. That's what made going to the US soccer game on Saturday such a big occasion for me.

And what an occasion it was. Considering my hopes for the day were higher than probably any until the day I propose, I wanted to make sure everything would go perfectly. I assembled a superteam of the Hanke brothers, Meyer, Becca, and Paul soon after the game's location was even announced. Then I waited anxiously for the gameday in much the way I wait to use terrible similies when I write this blog.

And there it was, June 6th. We left for Chicago in the mid-afternoon to get there before the 7:00 kickoff. The car ride was fun yet uneventful ("funeventful", if you will) and we got to Soldier Field with about an hour and a half to kill. We didn't really have a taste for the gameday atmosphere until we emerged from the parking garage to see mass seas of blue-and-white clad Honduras fans.

Walking around the stadium before the game, you would never have believed that this game was in Chicago as opposed to whatever city is in Honduras. Our little pack of 6 US fans was absolutely surrounded by Hondurans the whole time we hung around museum campus. We did brave the Central American swarms to get Chicago hot dogs (celery salt FTW) before we entered Soldier Field. Everything going to plan so far, for the most part.

After we got into the stadium, we located our seats, which were a whole lot better than I had expected them to be. They were further up than the ones we had for the last US game, but I almost preferred it because you could see the whole field a lot better. It's a toss-up.

However, the location of our seats ensured we were going to be mostly surrounded by Honduras fans (which made up an estimated 75% of the almost capacity crowd), although we did manage to land in a little pocket of fellow US fans. I wasn't complaining, it's fun to go back and forth with the other team's fans a little.

It did get a little obnoxious when the Honduran majority passed this HUGE Honduras flag back and forth across the upper deck over all the fans before the game started. This happened like 6 times, but it did make for a couple interesting incidents. As a USA diehard, I refused to help pass the flag along, and even took the liberty of spitting on it a few times as it passed over my head (which is actually pretty standard international soccer fare). However, one of my particularly voracious spits came just a fraction of a second after the last part of the flag had passed over me, and hit an anonymous Honduran maybe 5 rows in front of us. He then proceeded to beat me to a bloody pulp.

Nah, he actually didn't notice. It was pretty ridiculous. One or two Hondurans around me laughed a little bit and boy was my face red. The flag did exact its revenge on me during another trip across the stands, hitting me in the face and flinging my glasses 3 rows back. Fortunately, some friendly Hondurans returned them to me unharmed. Jake suggested how bad it would have been if they had broken and rendered my eyesight useless for the whole game, which caused me to shudder and rank it as the second most horrifying "almost happened" worst-case scenario in my life. I'll only tell you the number one most horrifying worst-case scenario if you're really special. I've probably never told anyone, actually, as it is that horrifying. Moving right along...

Soon enough, the game started, and it definitely did not start well. We came out looking shaky and Honduras capitalized almost immediately, scoring 5 minutes in. Fearing a huge collapse and expecting a loss, I swore loudly many times. I'm going to exempt that moment from my new year's resolution count, due to severe emotional distress. We slowly started to put it together as the first half wore on, but I was still pretty miserable to see us losing, until right before halftime one of their defenders gifted us with a stupid handball in the box...penalty kick time.

The minute or two before Landon Donovan stepped up to take the penalty kick may have been the most intense in my life. All the passion I've been saving up for the US team came to a head as he stared down the keeper with a chance to tie the game up before halftime. He just HAD to convert that PK. If he didn't, Honduras would carry that momentum to a win, and I also would die of hypertension on the spot. The pressure kept building and building as what seemed like an eternity passed before he ran up to slam the ball goalwards. I don't have asthma but it felt like I just developed it on the spot. The air left Soldier Field and the entire crowd held their breath as Landon's cleat struck the ball.

Tie ballgame.

Just as the emotional buildup before the penalty kick was so immense, the release was equally epic. I nearly had tears of joy as I watched the small but passionate contingent of home fans jump around wildly as their team's talisman celebrated his unstoppable drive to the top of the net. That was a moment of joy and excitement unrivaled by anything I can remember in my life and served as a reminder of why I love this team so much. That was a feeling I hope I never forget.

The half ended a few minutes later and I felt confident that we would be able to get our winner in the second half. The raw emotion of Donovan's PK and ensuing celebration seemed to be enough to give our guys the swagger and momentum they needed to grab the second.

And sure enough, it came. After a frustrating number of half-chances and coulda-woulda-shouldas, it was captain Carlos Bocanegra with the gutsy diving header that was either going to end with a goal or a kick to the head. Fortunately, it was the former. 2-1 USA.

I was able to really let loose after that, after an incredibly tense first half, I was back to being jovial as I watched the crew make sure Honduras wouldn't score again. That's when some of the back and forth with the surrounding Honduran fans began, which fortunately all stayed pretty good natured. Because of my research into all things soccer, I knew a few things to say that would get the attention of the opposing fans. I got a few chuckles from the Hondurans for cheering a few ole's for the 'gringos'. Being ahead actually allowed me to have a little fun instead of giving myself coronaries over turnovers and bad crosses.

There were a couple of scary moments as Honduras desperately pressed for the equalizer, but Tim Howard and the D ultimately held strong and we made it out with a gritty 2-1 comeback victory over a tough opponent. I felt euphoria as the official finally blew his whistle after 4 long minutes of stoppage time...for I got to witness my obsession grab a determined victory and I got to feel the highs and lows as they did. The 5 who left the stadium with me may never before have seen a happier Blake and I rode that high all the way home.

A lot of people have asked me how the game was. I've mostly said "a lot of fun" but ^that^ is what I've really meant to say.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

It says "hold on and take this ride"

I decided a while ago that I would save my 100th post for a special occasion. I’d say this is as special as any.

I’m typing this from the family van, and there is lightning over Atlanta. Yep, I’ve left Tampa for good. It’s crazy knowing that it’s completely over although I’m sure it will fully set in once I’m home. But I’ve spent enough time on this blog covering the decision and leaving Florida…instead, I’d like to look at what I have to look forward to.

First of all, freedom. Yeah, it does seem a bit contradictory that I’d have more freedom at home than I did when I was 1500 miles away from my parents, but that’s misleading. Sure, I was able to make all my own decisions, but I definitely felt a bit trapped from time to time. Without a car the feeling could get pretty confined. I guess the best illustration of this is how I had to stock up on groceries when my parents visited (twice), because I couldn’t ever get them on my own time. Just having a car to use will make such a difference. I can do things on my own time now!

On the flipside of that is responsibility. Yep, time to get a job. I’m really resigned to it to the point of almost looking forward to working all summer, but it’s going to be a big adjustment. When I consider that last summer I did whatever I pleased and wasted many days away, it’s going to be completely new to me. I only really have applied to jobs that I wouldn’t mind doing, so it’s not going to be Culver’s bad. Just a lot of work – but I’m ready for that I think. I’ve picked up a better work ethic from a year of college.

Good times! I’m definitely anticipating some of those. Like I said, I’ll be working a lot so I won’t have nearly as much time to replicate last year’s super summer, but there’s some classy stuff on the docket. I am primarily looking forward to the US soccer game in Chicago, but I’m sure this summer has a lot more to offer too – ’09 grad parties, golfing, and hopefully an MLS game to name a few. I feel like I’m going to really savor this summer.

And here’s a paradigm shift to look forward to – upon my return to Wisconsin, I am back on the marketladies. I don’t have anything particular in mind, but I at least feel like I’m free to have my name back out there for the first time in 8 months or so. If the previous 17 years of my life in Wisconsin are any indication, they might not exactly be all up ons, but who knows. I think maybe all I need to do are meet some new girls who don’t have any notions about me already from my less appealing days and can just take me for who I am. It worked before. I’m not too broken up either way though – my first new year’s resolution was to make wise relationship choices, and I’m actually trying to stick to those this year.

But ya know what? It’s summer! Today I did my last school assignment for 4 months. I want to take a break from worrying about how each question I answer in school affects my future. I want to stop feeling guilty for relationship decisions that weren’t even irrational. I want to stop taking everything so seriously! Yeah, I’m still going to try to get my grown-up 9 to 5 job this summer, but I’m living with my brother in an apartment downtown, I’m more responsible for myself than ever before, and I’ve got all but 40 hours a week to do everything in my power to make this summer unforgettable.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I am finally waking up

Well hey, y'all. I'm sitting in Tampa International again, waiting on my flight to leave in about an hour or so. I got my Q-no's, my hat, my stubble. All systems go.

This week is going to be an adventure. I've got 2 job interviews, a trip to MLC, a Jay Gatsby party, and I've already had to turn down Wisconsin hockey tickets to boot. For not having the same spring break as most of my high school friends, I'm sure finding things to do.

The most important part of that for me is the interviewing. On Monday I'm going into Watertown to interview for a financial internship with Northwestern Mutual and on probably Tuesday or Wednesday I have a phone interview for a 40-hour office assistant job with Epic Systems in Verona. Both of these jobs have their pros and cons, but I should wait and see if I'm offered either one before I start trying to pick between the two. Either way, it's an exciting time. A lot of people are having trouble finding decent work so I feel quite blessed that I have two interviews for what seem to be really good positions, experience-wise. I hope it all works out. I need to make money for school this summer regardless, so the added bonus of gaining experience and getting a corporate foothold would be fantastic for either of these companies .

Now that I'm seriously facing the possibility of laying the foundation for my career, it's led me to examine my place in life a little bit. I think I view college as a transition period more than most. For a lot of people, college is the place to spread your wings and have fun...but I think that was more of high school for me. Nearly every decision I've made in college was one that lent itself partially to business sense. I guess it comes with the high expectations I've felt (much of which are my own) since the start of the National Merit process. It's felt like every decision I make will have some immense impact on the rest of my life, because I feel like I need to achieve great success to live up to my potential.

So the result is my slow, early transition into your standard business guy, something I don't have too much of a problem with, really...as long as I don't turn into a workaholic who puts everything else behind that. Sometimes I worry that might happen, but it's in my power to prevent that from happening. I'm just caught between being prepared for real life and growing up too fast. The key is finding a balance.

And that kind of leads into the other key point I wanted to mention with this post, about how my time in Florida is almost up. This marks the last time I'll be flying out of Tampa International to come home from USF. When I get back from spring break, I will only have 5 more weeks at USF before coming home for good. It's a lot to think about.

Tampa has been my home, for better or worse, for about 6 months now. While I'm pretty certain about my decision, it sometimes makes me wonder when I think about how fleeting my remaining time here is. The tie-in here is that a lot of my decision was based on my future. Since Wisconsin is such a better business school and since Wisconsin business graduates are so highly regarded, it made sense to me that I'd have so many more and better oppurtunities by transferring. And I stand by that decision...during my job search I was continually reminded of the preference many employers have about a school like Wisconsin over a school like USF.

However, it all comes back to that balance I mentioned earlier. I'm giving up ease of living (the scholarship), good weather, good friends, and what was a really great relationship so that I can...get a better job when I'm old? Obviously, there are many more factors in that decision, but I say this because every time I reconsider the transfer, the business factor is the one that always brings me back to picking Wisconsin.

So that's what's on my mind a lot, especially now as my plane gets ready to depart. My goal now is to make the best of whatever comes next...for that's the best I can do. See ya in Wisconsin, and next time get yourself ready for a milestone that I have taken an embarrassingly long time to accomplish.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Here have some

I see via many facebook statuses that today is the WSMA day (for at least some high schools) and also the day of Lakeside's regional basketball final against Edgewood at Watertown High School.

Boy, do I miss Lakeside sometimes.

No, I don't miss being in high school. I'm perfectly okay with moving on to college and all, but it makes me remember a year ago where the Calebs and I went from WSMAs in Poynette to Watertown to watch Lakeside play the regional final against Edgewood. I think that was included in my second half of senior year/summer recap earlier in blog world, and was hands down one of the best days of high school for me. I'm not even certain why...of course it was fun and all, but it seemed special for some reason. I guess it just felt like a precursor to summer, with almost a mini-road trip with all the driving we did and a memorable Wendy’s jaunt with a number of running jokes born.

But, life goes on. Edgewood/Lakeside/Poynette WSMA day won't ever happen again, but lots else will. Stay tuned.

The power went out here a while ago. Fortunately, the network's still up and my laptop has 3 hours of battery life. So I can still be unproductive. haha.

Spring Break's a-coming and I'm pretty excited for that. There's an outside chance for a Jay Gatsby party, and all sorts of other possibilities (no to mention not being busy with school...of course). One of those possibilities, speaking of Jay Gatsby, is doing a video remake of the Great Gatsby to help Paul for his American Lit project. That would be splendid, old sport.

Also, my time in Tampa is slowly coming to a close (probably) and I'll be able to reflect on that more in a week as I sit in the Tampa airport waiting for my plane to take off. Because what better time to blog than that?

Other than next week's exposition, there's not much to hit on since the last post. The Real Salt Lake game was fun, I got to meet a few players including the dreadlocked and pictured Kyle Beckerman, who was predictably a cool guy. Also, February's over and for the first time I have officially locked down one of this year's resolutions: #7 - Actually go to the beach. I went to Clearwater Beach with Evan, James, Brittany, and Nick and it was a good time. Cold for the beach, but oh well. It's warmer than Wisconsin. One resolution down, 7 more to go to achieve #16. The soccer one is looking good at the moment, because I'm on an intramural team now. It's hard work - soccer is tough in Florida humidity.

A week later, Brittany and I went to Clearwater Beach at night to get ice cream, for the heck of it I guess. Sometimes the view at night is better than the view during the day. I had a lot of fun doing that. It's nice to get out for the sake of being out, and it's nice to see the ocean.

See y'all in a week.

Friday, February 20, 2009

If we both might be having the same imaginary conversation

I just listened to Cologne by Ben Folds three times, because Steve's new blog's title inspired me to listen to Ben Folds. I didn't feel much for it when I first listened to the CD, but over time it became my favorite on the album. I still don't like Way to Normal as much as Songs for Silverman or Rockin' the Suburbs, but those two were "soundtrack of your life" type CD's for me. A lot of memories tied to those songs.

I decided that I want to get rid of that people tracker thing. It's more fun not knowing who looks at your blog after all. I feel like the North Korean government, tracking everyone's moves like that.

I enjoyed having a Romanian visit my blog. Nameless citizen of Bucharest, I just want you to know that I've always had a soft spot for your national team for some reason. I was pulling for you to make it out of the Euro 2008 group of death. I like Adrian Mutu.

I learned that most random visitors to my blog came because they searched "I got dreadlocks fallin' all over me." These lyrics to MURS' aptly named "Dreadlocks" were the title to one of my first blogs from Tampa, before I actually lived in Tampa. "Dreadlocks" is a ridiculous rap song that was used by Paul, Jordan and I to honor Lake Mills High School's dreadlocked benchwarming basketball player. A live version of it can be found here and a horrible quality version of it can be found here, in a video that was clearly made in somebody's local library.

I mean, seriously, if you're going to play an MMORPG, shouldn't you at least have internet at your house?

I guess the fate of that song and this blog are intertwined. Turns out, when you google search those lyrics (which, if you were trying to find out the name of the song, you probably would because they're repeated 7 times per refrain), that post is the 2nd result.

So, marketing departments, if you're looking to pander to the elusive MURS fan demographic, I've got plenty of ad space. Call me up. I am a consumer whore.

My family is here right now visiting, and Evan is staying in my room. He's next to me right now, in fact. And I'm not being a bad host, mind you, he's doing some sort of math homework that he has to do, so I am blogging. Today we went to the beach briefly and did some much needed shopping for some much-needed groceries (and some not-much-needed sour patch kids, but I do like the little guys), but the truly exciting events of the weekend start tomorrow.

First of all, Evan and I are going to Clearwater Beach with two friends, which will mark my first time in Tampa Bay actually going to the beach for the sake of having a day at the beach. We walked on a pier over Clearwater Beach today, and it does look pretty nice. White sand, blue waters, the whole deal, although I didn't see any shells whatsoever. I guess a nice beach is supposed to be free of them. Huh.

The evening is what really has me pumped though. A Major League Soccer team, Real Salt Lake, is playing USF's soccer team in a preseason exhibition match on campus for 5 dollars. Being the die-hard MLS fan that I am, this excites me quite a bit, especially considering that the nature of soccer games on campus suggests that we will have ample opportunity to meet their players. Also, two of the guys from my US soccer facebook group are coming, presenting more opportunity to meet online people in real life in a non-creepy way.

Being a soccer fan in the US is really cool. Because I take it so seriously, all these guys count as celebrities to me even though most people would have no idea who they are. That just makes it so special when I find other people who view it the same way I do, because it's so rare. And if I meet any of the players and get pictures, I'm going to go nuts and put them online, even though I know about 2 of my friends will even have heard of any of them. But it makes me feel like I'm blazing a trail. Americans will care about their country's soccer in time, it just will take years of superfans like me trying to convince everyone of how great it is. Maybe my excitement will inspire others.

Plus, Salt Lake's captain has dreadlocks, and Flight 109 has a history with those.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I just got back from the Middle East, and boy do I falafel!

Seriously, though.

As I mentioned previously, I went to a Middle Eastern restaurant and a mosque as part of an assignment for class. It was a pretty interesting experience, so I'm posting the paper I wrote about it. It should be noted that we were told to include all our basic thoughts, feelings, and concerns, so if I come off as a nervous wreck, that's pretty much why. Enjoy.

When I signed up to take the Middle Eastern Geographic Perspectives course, I did so because of my interest in the economic opportunities in the area. I assumed that my basic familiarity of the United Arab Emirates would give me a leg up on the class and the rest would just be learning about various wars. However, the opportunity to look closely at a region whose culture is so misunderstood and distorted has been eye-opening to say the least, and the best illustrations of this have been experienced right here in Tampa.

Like many other students at USF, I was raised in a conservative Christian household. Because of this, I entered this class with a knowledge of Islam and Middle Eastern culture that had been filtered by those who possessed no personal experience of the culture. Therefore, when we were told that we had to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant and a mosque as part of the class, I was excited to learn about the culture but I was also somewhat anxious of experiencing some culture shock. After all, despite my economic knowledge of the area, I knew little to nothing about the culture itself – Middle Eastern culture is not widely celebrated in my Wisconsin hometown of 5,000 white Lutherans.

To accomplish the exciting yet worrying tasks at hand, I decided to team up with two of my roommates, James and Drew, to share the experience and for support (who knew what was ahead?). Because eating out seemed considerably less threatening than going to a mosque sight unseen, we chose to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant first. We set a date in advance and researched to find the best option for authentic Middle Eastern cuisine. After about a half-hour of googling our way through Tampa’s restaurant listings, we settled on Byblos Café, a Lebanese restaurant south of downtown Tampa. We were reassured by their inviting website (Bybloscafe.com) and their story of how the owners of the restaurant came to the US after graduating high school in Lebanon seemed like a guarantee of authentic Middle Eastern food. Enlisting the help (and car) of our friend Brittany, we headed south for an educational night on the town.

When we arrived and entered the restaurant, I was impressed by the lavish décor and impeccable cleanliness (it sounds silly to assume that a Middle Eastern restaurant would be dirty just for not being Western, but none of us had eaten at one before). We were promptly seated near some sort of corporate party and a “girl’s night out” and our waitress brought out our water and flatbread.

Immediately, the flatbread was a hit. It came with a dipping oil which we found out (after asking the waitress) contained sumac. Under normal circumstances, that would have been enough to scare us away (knowing of the plant called poison sumac), but we remembered sumac having been discussed earlier in class and continued to eat.

James, Drew and I wanted to make sure we ordered as authentically as possible, and also tried to vary our dishes from each other’s to broaden the experience. James ordered three types of kebab, Drew ordered the mysterious beef shawarma and I, hoping to get what would be a basic, standard Lebanese meal, opted for the decidedly vague “Chicken with Vegetables”. Our colorful, steaming plates arrived soon after, and it was time to take the plunge.

Arguably, I found my plate to be the most visually appealing of the whole table, so I had no reservations whatsoever to digging in. After all, chicken with vegetables seemed pretty straightforward, so all I had to do was hope that there wasn’t going to be some sort of repulsive Middle Eastern spice to ruin the deal.

Any fears I had were allayed with the first bite. The chicken was tender, moist, and not mysterious (always a plus with meat), and the huge vegetables and seasoning were not only unique, but far more intensely flavorful than any of the cafeteria food I’ve been solely subsisting on all school year. I have been known to be cautious about new foods, but I found myself truly enjoying the dish until I could eat no more of the more than hearty portion. I was pleasantly surprised to find that my assignment had turned into an enjoyable night out with a great meal to boot!

Reviews from the rest of the table were also generally favorable. Our experience at Byblos was comfortable and satisfying, and being forced to branch out and try something new gave me a new restaurant to list among my favorites in Tampa.

Our positive experience at Byblos gave us a little bit more confidence heading to the mosque, but it still struck us as a daunting task. I personally had a number of questions and fears leading up to the experience.

Ultimately, my greatest fear was that one of us would somehow offend whoever was at the mosque, whether it would be by dressing improperly or by being ignorant of some form of etiquette not practiced by Westerners. Additionally, I had no idea how receptive those at the mosque would be to the idea of three college kids walking around their complex looking for answers.

More internet research led us to the Islamic Society of Tampa Bay Area (ISTABA), located just south of campus. Once more, our friend Brittany supplied the car, but decided not to enter the mosque with us for fear of not being properly dressed (having seen many Muslim women wearing head coverings, we decided to play it safe and not risk offending anyone due to our lack of knowledge). The three of us weren’t sure how to dress, but I put on roughly what I would wear to my church – a collared shirt and khaki dress slacks – under the hopeful assumption that such wear would be acceptable in this place of worship.

When we arrived at the mosque, we were discouraged by the large fence surrounding the entire complex and the fact that there seemed to be nowhere to park (this may have been due to some nearby construction). We parked the car at a nearby gas station, and the three of us walked down to the mosque. When we arrived at what seemed to be the main gate, I was feeling more nervous than ever – a feeling that seemed to be shared by James and Drew.

Our collective anxiousness stemmed from a few things that seemed unwelcoming or intimidating to us. On top of the apparent lack of parking and the fence, there didn’t seem to be any obvious place for visitors to go, and what appeared to be some sort of main office was adorned with a sign that said “please remove your shoes before entering” – which was confusing to us, to say the least.

We stood outside the barely open gate and pondered what might become of us for a little while, until James and Drew volunteered me to enter first. Attempting to summon my bravery in a wholly disorienting and unchartered territory, I walked through the narrow opening, half expecting to set off some unseen alarm.

Once we were all inside the complex, we happened upon a reasonably friendly looking black man wearing a sweatshirt (as opposed to robes, which would have intimidated me more). I waved at him so as to prove that we weren’t just some punk kids exploring, and he came over to us and asked what we were doing there. I explained that we were students at USF taking a course on the Middle East and we came to the mosque to better understand the culture. The man turned from cautious to welcoming, and said with a smile “Well, then you came to the right place!” My instant relief was almost tangible, and suddenly the large, gated complex seemed more like a welcome center. I was certainly far more relaxed and ready for whatever came next.

The man told us he could take us to the Imam in the main office, and we all removed our shoes as we walked in. I didn’t know what an Imam was, but I felt it was a reasonable assumption that he was the Islamic equivalent to a Christian pastor.

We were ushered into the office of the Imam and I soon learned I was right. The Imam offered us a few chairs and we sat down to discuss Islam with him. The Imam fit the Islamic stereotype more than the black man did – he looked Middle Eastern, and was wearing some type of robe.
After we explained to him that we were USF students taking a class on the Middle East and just wanted to get a general idea of Islam, he gave us a detailed explanation in simple terms, asking us what we knew about it first, and building off of any ideas or (mis)conceptions we had about it.

His description was very straightforward and easy to understand, and eventually led me to conclude that Islam and Christianity are fundamentally quite similar, but are separated mainly by the Quran. After he told us the basis of Islam, I discussed with him a little bit of how my upbringing had led me to a number of incorrect preconceived notions, and how all it took to better understand Islam was simply to learn about it. Though we certainly had different ideas of faith, we seemed to share a mutual understanding that I never knew could exist between myself and a person of the Islam faith. It was astounding to see how much tension can be resolved by simply trying to understand another’s beliefs rather than condemning them and shutting them out.

I then asked how the outreach was going for ISTABA, and the Imam told us about all the services they offered to help the community while the black man went and got Qurans for us to take home. As we gratefully accepted them, the Imam joked that I could take it home as a reference and “hide it from my dad”. We laughed and thanked him and went on our way. As we walked back from the mosque to the gas station, we discussed how pleasant of an encounter it really was, despite our great fears entering.

I was so relieved to realize that our required Middle Eastern orientation went off without a hitch and actually ended up being enjoyable. My nervousness and misconceptions going into the experiences were thankfully unfounded, and I learned that the seemingly scary and intimidating culture of the Middle East may not be so scary and intimidating after all.

Monday, February 02, 2009

It looks a little different.

Q: How many WELS members does it take to change a light bulb?

A: What?! Change?!?!

Well, the new layout looks a little different, but boy howdy, now that I have the power to be able to have a reasonable idea of who's reading my blog at any given time...I could not pass that up at all.

As far as things that...aren't about my new big-brother power. The Super Bowl just happened, and it was fairly exciting. No phone calls though. And now it's Groundhog Day, which has little to no significance when you live in Florida.

Not that it's that significant anywhere else, but that Bill Murray movie is kinda funny.

I plan to celebrate Groundhog Day by taking a bio exam that I didn't study much for. We have a drop test, so I'm not that worried...but even so, I think his tests will probably be easy. The information is so basic. We shall see.

And because this post is otherwise kinda worthless, I'll do the first of my monthly check-ins on the New Year's Resolutions (how I'm doing on the year-long ones, and if any of the one-time ones have been accomplished)

1. The vague girlfriend one is doing fine, because I think I have yet to make a bad relationship decision this year. I also have yet to make any relationship decision this year, but I guess that's part of the resolution anyway.

2. Doin' fine on the no-man's land.

5. The MLS schedule was released this week, and I've already got plans in place to go to Chicago vs. LA in August with Heidi. Planning is the first step toward going, so I like my chances on this one.

6. Actually, last night I went to Ybor City (Tampa's clubbing district) with a few friends, and we walked by but didn't go in any of the clubs because the prices were jacked up for Super Bowl weekend. Patience.

7. I came close to going to the beach, but instead it was a pier in St. Pete that stretched out into Tampa Bay. It was at night anyway. I am sure to get this one eventually.

9. Uh...my grades seem ok. It's hard to tell this early. Last semester, I got about a .5 swing from midterms to finals, so we'll see. If I don't get it, I wouldn't be broken up - as long as the grade was respectable.

10. No cooking has been done whatsoever. But I'm trying to stop eating dairy. That's food-related at least.

11. I guess so. Kind of a stretch, but I guess so.

12. I have yet to miss church this year, so I guess that's saying something. It helps.

13. Jobs are hard to come by in these parts. As long as I get a good summer job in Madison I'll be happy.

14. I have been making a conscious effort to stop the casual swearing.

3, 4, 8, 15, 16. Irrelevant or N/A

This will force me to update at very least once a month.