You just might find...you get what you need

Last night I got in a conversation about plans. More specifically, I was asked what my backup plan for my major would be if I for some reason didn't get into the business school here.

Without much thought, I rattled off my non-business school backups to marketing: economics, mass communication, journalism, sociology. I have thought about this before. And there is no indication that I should have any trouble getting into the business school.

This is because I plan. Too much.

One walks a fine line when mapping out the future. I know a lot of people claim to plan too much, but for every overanalyst there's a former high school party animal managing an Arby's. I prefer to err on the safe side.

All in all, it's a reasonable way to live. Having goals and backup plans just mean that you're always prepared. But it can get you into trouble.

Even though I always have a backup plan, I can get my heart set on an ideal goal. this, of course, is stupid because nothing works ideally. But boy will I work to make it happen.

And this is where I'm stuck. College to me is one elaborate connecting flight between being a kid and "following my plan". I feel like I need to have everything figured out by now...which is well and good as motivation, but puts a lot of pressure on my actions.

For instance...I don't drink because I set my mind on being morally sound and not drinking til 21. I work all the time because I need good references and experience on my resume. My key factor for transferring to Wisconsin was to seal a better chance at getting into Northwestern for grad school. So that I can get the good, steady, limitless potential job in Chicago. So that I can get on my feet and attract a nice family-minded WELS girl. So that I can work and save like a madman to get a decent house in the far northern suburbs of Chicago. So that I can raise my kids in a safe suburban environment, take them to Fire games, and send them to Shoreland Lutheran (where they'll play soccer of course!). So that they can be good, responsible, morally sound kids just like their dad tried to be. So that the Mrs. and I can retire down to Palm Harbor, Florida and join a country club with our retirement savings. So that I can show off pictures of my grandkids to my old man golf friends.

Aaaaaaand, what are the odds of that all happening?

Yet, every B I get on an assignment, every screw-up at work feels like another dent in the plan.

But it's a dent in a ridiculous plan. I can basically guarantee that 20 years from now this plan won't look a thing like what I ended up doing. It probably will look far-fetched 2 years from now for that matter. Yet I struggle to convince myself not to tie myself to my plans.

The key here is trust. My faith in God is fine overall, but my trust in his plan is constantly lacking. I feel the need to blueprint out my entire life, even when he certainly has something much better in store for me than what my restless young adult mind churns out. It just takes a lot for me to trust that.

Parts of my plan collapse all the time, so that's why I come up with backups. But the backups are just as likely to collapse as well. But that's fine. That means I'll live out a life that was picked out by someone better at planning than myself.

Which is encouraging.