INFP

I generally don't put a lot (read: any) credence into personal assessment tests that can be taken online. However, since the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator predates the internet by decades, I suppose it can be taken a little more seriously than "Which Twilight Vampire named Edward are you?" and the like. Most people have heard of it, and I'd say quite a few people I know have taken it as well. It doesn't serve all that concrete of a purpose, but I took it a year or two back and it amazes me to this day how accurate it is as a personality analysis. I suppose if everyone broadcasted their Myers-Briggs results, we'd all have a better idea of how to deal with each other socially, or at least get an idea about how what we do affects those around us.

When I took my assessment (I don't actually remember where it was, but it was free, online, and took a good 30-45 minutes at least), I got the result of INFP, which is apparently "The Idealist." There's a website that has really detailed explanations of what all the results mean, and for the heck of it, I'm going to post what my result said.

The Idealist

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

Every paragraph of that I read, I shake my head and think how accurate it is. I suppose that's probably the case for anyone that takes one of these, but for some reason it's really fascinating to read your own. I think we as humans love when people tell us what we already know about ourselves. Reading this, I just want to tell the website that it really gets me.

But it's only a website of course. I simply find it nice that someone put so eloquently into words my answer to the conversation piece of "tell me about yourself".

Baby, you'll be famous

Now I know what it's like to live for the weekend.

College life has become a bit of a grind. I still have the occasional leisure time to myself for unproductive things (like blogging), but the homework and the job are ultimately pretty pervasive to the point that little Xbox breaks and such just seem like distractions and procrastinations. All told, it's all right, I'm accomplishing a fair amount - but I really only enjoy myself when I specifically set time aside to do something that I want to do. It's about the mindset, I think. It has to be something to look forward to, and something about which I've told myself, "yes, I am taking up valuable productivity time, but I will get joy from this! Learn to accept joy!"

So I'm trying to set aside more of these times. Perhaps that's the wrong approach, and I should start being able to find joy from everything...but to do that, I have to shut off the worrying part of my brain - and I can only do that a few hours a week.

So what kind of things DO I do with worry-free time?

The most exciting for me has been Chicago Fire games. Well, technically I've only gone to one of them, but my crew and I ("my crew" is used loosely here...it's more of a random smorgasbord of 5 people) are heading down November 7th to watch Chicago take on the New England Revolution in the playoffs. The first Chicago Fire game I went to was late September of this year and I'm hooked. My love of Major League Soccer (and all things soccer, really) is well documented, so it was probably only natural that I'd love going to games. I'd go as far as to say that my first Fire game was among the 3 best days of this year (behind only my two US National team games this summer). Plus I achieved one of my New Year's resolutions by finally going to a game, and I am totally still working to accomplish those.

Something else I'm about to start doing is going to Badger Hockey games. Evan and I got season tickets this year because our dad used to take us to games at least once a month for several years while we were growing up. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of excitedly hopping in the car with dad and going to hockey games...I started going when I was 4 or 5, I think. We'd get to our seats, get hot dogs and share one of those huge stadium sodas (always a diet coke...probably why to this day I like diet coke unlike every other male I know) and watch Badger greats like Brian Rafalski and Badger not-so-great-but-still-a-cool-guys like Jake Soper.

The reminiscing was enough for Evan and I to buy season hockey tickets, although because of work I can only go to the Friday games, and even then something tends to get in the way - so I haven't been to a game yet this year. I'll probably go this Friday, although Evan probably cannot go and I'll be forced to look for someone to go with and take his ticket. So hey, anyone want to go to a hockey game Friday night? or want to buy Saturday night tickets, ever?

(The sales pitch seems irrelevant when few people read your blog).

And one of these weekends (perhaps the weekend before Thanksgiving?) I'm planning on taking off of work and heading up to MLC. I of course have a lot of friends up there (many of whom I haven't spoken to much lately, due to mutual busyness and distance) and I always love a good weekend trip to anywhere. My last trip to MLC was a lot of fun, but there were several variables involved that could be improved on for the next trip. I always enjoy trips there either way, because the kindly folk at MLC are such a breath of fresh air compared to the prototypes I run into all the time at UW (or ran into, in the case of USF).

Golly gee, I sure would love going to school there, I just don't want to be a teacher. Funny how some of my friends have the opposite sentiment. Maybe I'd eventually feel the same if I actually did go there.

But if I went to MLC, I'd be able to get that nice, family-minded WELS girl from the plan...instead of the near-vacuum of female interaction that comes with my tight schedule. But that can always change...and that's a topic for another post. Get to bed, Blake. You have an exam tomorrow.

You just might find...you get what you need

Last night I got in a conversation about plans. More specifically, I was asked what my backup plan for my major would be if I for some reason didn't get into the business school here.

Without much thought, I rattled off my non-business school backups to marketing: economics, mass communication, journalism, sociology. I have thought about this before. And there is no indication that I should have any trouble getting into the business school.

This is because I plan. Too much.

One walks a fine line when mapping out the future. I know a lot of people claim to plan too much, but for every overanalyst there's a former high school party animal managing an Arby's. I prefer to err on the safe side.

All in all, it's a reasonable way to live. Having goals and backup plans just mean that you're always prepared. But it can get you into trouble.

Even though I always have a backup plan, I can get my heart set on an ideal goal. this, of course, is stupid because nothing works ideally. But boy will I work to make it happen.

And this is where I'm stuck. College to me is one elaborate connecting flight between being a kid and "following my plan". I feel like I need to have everything figured out by now...which is well and good as motivation, but puts a lot of pressure on my actions.

For instance...I don't drink because I set my mind on being morally sound and not drinking til 21. I work all the time because I need good references and experience on my resume. My key factor for transferring to Wisconsin was to seal a better chance at getting into Northwestern for grad school. So that I can get the good, steady, limitless potential job in Chicago. So that I can get on my feet and attract a nice family-minded WELS girl. So that I can work and save like a madman to get a decent house in the far northern suburbs of Chicago. So that I can raise my kids in a safe suburban environment, take them to Fire games, and send them to Shoreland Lutheran (where they'll play soccer of course!). So that they can be good, responsible, morally sound kids just like their dad tried to be. So that the Mrs. and I can retire down to Palm Harbor, Florida and join a country club with our retirement savings. So that I can show off pictures of my grandkids to my old man golf friends.

Aaaaaaand, what are the odds of that all happening?

Yet, every B I get on an assignment, every screw-up at work feels like another dent in the plan.

But it's a dent in a ridiculous plan. I can basically guarantee that 20 years from now this plan won't look a thing like what I ended up doing. It probably will look far-fetched 2 years from now for that matter. Yet I struggle to convince myself not to tie myself to my plans.

The key here is trust. My faith in God is fine overall, but my trust in his plan is constantly lacking. I feel the need to blueprint out my entire life, even when he certainly has something much better in store for me than what my restless young adult mind churns out. It just takes a lot for me to trust that.

Parts of my plan collapse all the time, so that's why I come up with backups. But the backups are just as likely to collapse as well. But that's fine. That means I'll live out a life that was picked out by someone better at planning than myself.

Which is encouraging.