It's not too late!

I am entirely incapable of accomplishing anything worthwhile once classes are done on Friday. It probably would have been good to send some resumes out today, but I had classes and a meeting and I need to write like 5 cover letters. Boo. I need to acquire some consistent motivation.

The resumes I need to send are as a result of last night's UW career fair, which was a chance for me to return to my ambitious, career-minded, tie-wearing self that I had more or less abandoned during last summer. Last summer I went from juggling corporate interviews to begging for hourly work, and the tease of the whole thing ended up being pretty demoralizing. It wasn't something I even wanted to think about until recently, and now I'm getting right back into resume mode. I'm one year older, have more experience, and go to a Big Ten school. The chance is there now.

I'm still up against it though. While I'm sure there were other people my age at the career fair, nearly everyone I encountered was graduating a lot sooner than I am. Heck, for one of my more promising leads from the fair I stood and waited behind a guy with a marketing degree and 5 years of post-college experience.

I would argue that I looked better in a sweatervest though.

When I consider my disappointment last year at not getting ultra-impressive work, it almost seems delusional. In such a tight job market, who in Madison would want to hire some 18 year old kid from the University of South Florida? But the search started off with so much promise. The part of spring break I was most excited for was a job interview on one of my first days back in Wisconsin. That interview went pretty well, but I ended up turning them down because I had two other interviews that I was more excited about. One of those interviews was my only one with the company (I was competing with college graduates), but the other one led to another interview, which they were willing to postpone until I came home from school.

The feeling was pretty good. I had made myself marketable enough to appeal to an established company from far away. My hopes were so high when I came in for the second interview, which I figured was to seal the deal. With my finest (only) suit and some tips from the parents, I had what I thought was a really good interview. The HR rep even started off by describing the job, payment, and schedule. Then the interview. Then she told me that they had filled the position and they might be interested for the fall.

Hey, thanks for bringing me in, though.

It must have been HR training week or something. It was good interview experience, I guess, but man. The feeling was deflating.

And the rest is history. I didn't get so much as a second glance from then (early May) until late July. I would have understood if no interest had ever come my way, but to be in demand early on and then have all leads go completely cold was brutal.

It was probably good for me, though. At USF, with the grades and the test scores and the scholarship perks, I was able to convince myself pretty well that I was hot stuff. The early job search success confirmed that to me, but God finds a way to bring you down a peg if you get a little too high on yourself.

And that humbling has been ongoing for a little while. Thanks to working long hours and relapsing into my diffident self (something that I had avoided for a few years), I've been the definition of a wallflower at UW.

But I've been feeling good, getting back into the groove of things. This week has seemed like a rebound from the crummy end of last year. I got to throw on a tie and a vest and promote myself as a potential employee and it felt good. I had to write a big 'ol paper for the base class of my new major and it felt good. I had a meeting with a sales subcommittee of the student org I just joined and it felt good. Feels good, man.

This is going to sound weird but...at certain points of my life, my left eyelid will twitch periodically throughout the day. I only remember it happening twice before - in the weeks leading up to high school graduation, and the first couple of weeks in Tampa. Those were both times of incredible excitement and anticipation. The months after the twitching, in both cases, were phenomenal.

Well, my left eyelid is twitching again. I noticed it at the start of this week. Now, either I'm just enjoying everything more because I feel like I should be (what a strange response to an involuntary twitch!), or the tic is a delightful little indicator. Either way, though, I'm feeling positive. There are still a lot of things I could be happier with, but I'm on my way.

I'm heading out tonight. The job search is beginning. School is going well. I've got a place to live next year. Watch out, Madison. I'm comin' back.